Movie Quotes

Heat

2009-02-24T23:12:00.001-08:00

Neil McCauley: He knew the risks, he didn't have to be there. It rains...you get wet.

Neil McCauley: Maybe we should both be doing something else pal.
Vincent Hanna: I don't know how to do anything else.
Neil McCauley: Neither do I.
Vincent Hanna: I don't much want too either.
Neil McCauley: Neither do I.

Neil McCauley: I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I know life is short, whatever time you get is luck. You want to walk? You walk right now. Or on your own... on your own you choose to come with me. And all I know is... all I know is there's no point in going anywhere any more if it's going to be alone... without you.

Michael Cheritto: Well ya know, for me, the action is the juice.

Vincent: I say what I mean, and I do what I say.

[Robbing a bank]
Neil McCauley: Everybody stay down! We're here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money is insured by the federal government, you're not gonna lose a dime. Think of your families, don't risk your life. Don't try and be a hero.

Richard: Man, I can get killed for telling you some of this stuff.
Vincent Hanna: You can get killed walking your doggie!

Vincent Hanna: You know, we are sitting here like a couple of regular fellows and if I have to go out there and put you down, I'll tell you, I won't like it. But if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, buddy, you are going down.
Neil McCauley: There is a flip side to this coin. What if you do get me boxed in and I will have to put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate, not for a second.

Eady: You travel a lot?
Neil McCauley: Yeah.
Eady: Does it make you lonely?
Neil McCauley: I am alone, I'm not lonely.

Vincent Hanna: It's like you said. All I am is what I'm going after.

Justine Hanna: You prefer the usual routine. We fuck and you lose the power of speech.

Vincent Hanna: So you never wanted a normal life?
Neil McCauley: What the fuck is that? Barbeques and ballgames?

Charlene Shiherlis: What else are you selling?
Sgt. Drucker: All kinds of shit. But this here I don't need to sell and you know it, 'cause this here is the kind of shit that sells itself.

McCauley: A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."

McCauley: We are here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money's insured by the federal government, you're not gonna lose a dime.

Vincent Hanna: When it escalated into a murder one beat for all of them, they popped guard number 3. Why? Because what difference does it make? Why leave a living witness?

Breedan: There isn't a hard time invented that I cannot handle.

Chris Shiherlis: For me the sun rises and sets with her, man.

Justine Hanna: You don't live with me, you live among the remnants of dead people. You sift through the detritus, you read the terrain, you search for signs of passing, for the scent of your prey ... and then you hunt them down. That's the only thing you're committed to. The rest is the mess you leave as you pass through.

Neil McCauley: L.A.P.D. What, where the fuck did this heat come from?
Chris Shiherlis: Maybe it's the bank they're after and not us, 'cause it's been hit a couple of times, or something.
Neil McCauley: Assume they got our phones, assume they got our houses, assume they got us, right now, as we speak.

Chris: The bank is worth the risk. I need it brother. We should stay here and take it down.

Neil McCauley: I am double the worst trouble you ever thought of.

Vincent Hanna: My life's a disaster zone. I got a stepdaughter who's all fucked up because her real father is this large type asshole. I got a wife who I'm passing on the downslope of a marriage, my third, because I spend all my time chasing guys like you around the corner.

Vincent Hanna: You can ball my wife if you want to, you can lounge around in her ex-husband's "post modernistic" bullshit house if you want to, but you CAN'T watch my television set, Ralph!

Charlene Shiherlis: It's like risk versus reward, baby.

Alan Marciano: Why'd I get mixed up with that bitch?
Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass...and you got your head all the way up it!

Vincent Hanna: I keep my angst here, I preserve it because I need it. It keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be.

Neil McCauley: I'm talking to an empty telephone, 'cause there is a dead man on the other end of this fuckin' line.

Justine Hanna: I may be stoned on grass and Prozac, but you've been walking through my life dead.

Neil McCauley: I do what I do best, I take scores. You do what you do best, try to stop guys like me.

Justine Hanna: Being married is about sharing. This is not sharing. This is leftovers.
Vincent Hanna: Okay, you want me to share with you? Let's share. Honey, I just killed a man who fried his baby in his microwave because it was crying too loud. Okay, let's share it!

Happy Gilmore

2009-02-24T23:11:00.004-08:00

(The audience is getting wild.)
Shooter McGavin: "Damn you people. Go back to your shanties."

Virginia: "What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?"
Happy: "I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I wanted it to be near its family."

Nursing Home Orderly: "Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today."
Old Woman: "My fingers hurt."
Nursing Home Orderly: "What's that?"
Old Woman: "My fingers hurt."
Nursing Home Orderly: "Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt? ...I didn't think so."

Happy: "During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody."

Happy: "Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think?"
Caddy: "And a slant to the left."
Happy: "That's 'cause you're only wearing one shoe."

Grandma: "What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?"
Happy: "Oh, she's dead. She got hit by a car."

Happy: "You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact."

Happy Gilmore to Bob Barker: "The price is wrong, bitch!"

Happy: "I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too."
Virginia: "Do you always carry a puck with you?"
Happy: "Yeah."
(Virgina shoots puck and scores)
Happy: "Holy shit. Talk about your all time back-fires."

Shooter McGavin: "Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say."
Happy Gilmore: "Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?"

Happy: "If I ever caught myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass!"

Grandma: "Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep."
The Nursing Home Orderly: "You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, baby."

Verne Lundquist: "Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational."

Happy Gilmore: "I was on this tour for one reason - money - but now I've got a new reason: kicking your ass!"

Shooter McGavern: "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast."
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?!"

Hanibal

2009-02-24T23:11:00.003-08:00

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife.

[Repeated line]
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Okey dokey.

Clarice Starling: This is from the Guinness Book of World Records, congratulating me on being the female FBI agent who has shot and killed the most people.

Hannibal Lecter: Is this coincidence, or are you back on the case? If so, goody goody.

Clarice: I wasn't speaking to you, Mr. Krendler. When I speak to you, you'll know it because I'll look at you.

Krendler: Jesus, Starling, what are you doing sitting in the dark?
Clarice: Thinkin' about cannibalism.

Verger: When the fox hears the rabbit scream he comes a-runnin'... but not to help.

Hannibal Lecter: Mason Verger doesn't want to kill me any more than I want to kill him. He just wants to see me suffer in some unimaginable way. He is rather twisted, you know.

Hannibal Lecter: Your little brother must smell almost as badly as you do by now.

Barney: Do you ever think he might come after you? You ever think about him at all?
Clarice Starling: Well, at least thirty seconds of every day. I can't help it. He's always with me, like a bad habit.

Mason Verger: So, what do you think? Does Lecter want to fuck her or kill her or eat her, or what?
Cordell Doemling: Probably all three, although I wouldn't want to predict in what order.

Lecter: Tell me Clarice, would you ever say to me, "Stop! If you loved me you'd stop!"
Clarice Starling: Not in a thousand years.
Lecter: Not in a thousand years. That's my girl!

Lecter: Given the chance you'd deny me my life, wouldn't you?
Clarice: Not your life.
Lecter: But my freedom... just that.

Clarice Starling: I'll cut you loose. If you touch me, I'll shoot you.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Understood. Clarice Starling: Do right, and you'll live through this.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Spoken like a true Protestant.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Oh, now you're being rude, and you know I don't like rude people.

Hannibal Lecter: Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. Would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Are you by any chance trying to trace my whereabouts, you naughty girl?

Hannibal Lecter: Bowels in or out?

Hannibal Lecter: Would they give you a medal, do you think, Clarice? Would you have it professionally framed and hang it on your wall to remind you of your courage and incorruptibility? All you would need for that is a mirror.

Hamlet

2009-02-24T23:11:00.001-08:00

Hamlet: 'Tis now the very witching time of night, when church yards yawn and hell itself breathes out.

Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio - a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung these lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?

Hamlet: If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart, absent thee from felicity awhile and in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain to tell my story.

Hamlet: O, from this time forth my thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth!

Hamlet: You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will more willingly part withal - except my life, except my life.

Hamlet: If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.

Hamlet: But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

Hamlet: To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.

Hamlet: What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason. How infinite in faculty. In form and moving how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a God. The beauty of the world. The paragon of animals. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust. Man delights not me.

Hamlet: I lov'd Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers could not with all their quantity of love make up my sum.

Hamlet: There are more things in heaven and earth, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Marcellus: There bodes some strange eruption to our state.

Hamlet: A little more than kin but less than kind.

Hamlet: For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Hamlet: Frailty, thy name is woman!

Polonius: Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.

Hamlet: Seems, madam! nay it is; I know not "seems."

Halloween

2009-02-24T23:10:00.000-08:00

[Referring to a partially eaten dog.]
Brackett: A man wouldn't do that.
Dr. Loomis: This is not a man.

Laurie: Lynda, if this is a joke, I'll kill you!

[After Michael falls off the balcony]
Laurie: Was that the bogeyman?
Dr. Loomis: As a matter of fact... it was!

Dr. Sam Loomis: I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blind, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the DEVIL'S eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up for I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... EVIL!

Sheriff Leigh Brackett: It's Halloween, everyone's entitled to one scare.

[After yelling a smart remark to Michael Myers]
Annie Brackett: Geez, can't he take a joke?
Laurie Strode: You know what, Annie? One of these days you're going to get us all into deep trouble.

Laurie Strode: I saw Mr. Riddle in his backyard, he was watching me.
Annie Brackett: Mr. Riddle was watching you? Laurie! Mr. Riddle is eighty-seven!
Laurie Strode: He can still watch.
Annie Brackett: That's probably all he can do.

Lynda: I can't believe it! We have three new cheers to learn in the morning, I have to get my dress ready and my hair done in the afternoon, the game is at six, and the dance is at eight! I'll be totally wiped out!
Laurie Strode: [sarcastically] I don't think you have enough to do tommorrow.
Lynda: Totally!

Hackers

2009-02-24T23:09:00.002-08:00

Dade Murphy: "You look good in a dress."
Kate Libby: "You would have looked better."

Dade: "Anything else, mom? U want me to mow the lawn? Forgot, new york, No grass."

Kate Libby: "Are you challenging me?"
Dade Murphy: "Name your stakes."
Kate Libby: "If I win, you become my slave."
Dade Murphy: "Your SLAVE?"
Kate Libby: "You wish! You'll do shitwork, crack copyrights, scans..."
Dade Murphy: "And if I win?"
Kate Libby: "Make it my first-born!"
Dade Murphy: "Make it our first-date!"
Kate Libby: "I dont DO dates. But I dont lose either, so you're on!"

Kate Libby: "Never send a boy to do a woman's job."

Phreak: "It's in that place where I put that thing that time."

Cereal Killer: "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. What? It's Corinthians one, chapter thirteen verse eleven."

Cereal Killer: "We have just gotten a wake-up call from the Nintendo Generation."

Dade Murphy: "I don't play well with others."

The Plague: "Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."

Kate Libby: "Here's your class."
Dade Murphy: "My class. You mean I'm... I'm not in your class?"
Kate Libby: "No. You're not in my class."
Dade Murphy: "Gimme time."

Cereal Killer: "FYI man, alright. You could sit at home, and do like absolutely nothing, and your name goes through like 17 computers a day. 1984? Yeah right, man. That's a typo. Orwell is here now. He's livin' large. We have no names, man. No names. We are nameless!"

Kate Libby: "I hope you don't screw like you type."

The Plague: "There is no right and wrong. There's only fun and boring."

Kate Libby: "God gave men brains larger than dogs' so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties."

(Reading from "The Hackers' Manifesto.")
Agent Bob: ""This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch; the beauty of the baud. We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto." Huh? Right? Manifesto? "You may stop me, but you can't stop us all.""

Dade Murphy: "What is it with this guy? Phantom Phreak: His parents missed Woodstock, and he's been making up for it since."

Cereal Killer: "Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right."

Phantom Phreak: "So, uh, what's your interest in Kate Libby, eh? Academic? Purely sexual?"
Dade Murphy: "Homicidal."

Groundhog Day

2009-02-24T23:09:00.001-08:00

Ned: Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you! Now don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heckfire remember you!
Phil: Not a chance.
Ned: Ned! ...Ryerson! "Needlenose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy! Case Western High! I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing! Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again! Ned Ryerson, I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?
Phil: Ned Ryerson?
Ned: BING!
Phil: Bing.

Phil: You wanna throw up here, or in the car?
Ralph: I think... both.

[To Rita about Phil.]
Larry: Did he actually refer to himself as "the talent"?

Phil: I'm a god. I'm not *the* God... I don't think.

Larry: People think that all cameramen do is point the camera at things, but it's a *heck* of a lot more complicated than that!

Phil Connors: Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.

Man in Hallway: Think it'll be an early spring?
Phil: Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao!
Man in Hallway: Ciao!

Phil: Where's everybody going?
Piano teacher: To Gobbler's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.
Phil: It's still just once a year, isn't it?

[Driving down the railroad tracks toward an approaching train.]
Phil: I'm betting he's going to swerve first.

Phil: I am asking you for help!
Rita: Well, what do you want me to do?
Phil: I don't know! You're a producer! Think of something!

Phil: There is a major network interested in me.
Larry: That would be the Home Shopping Network.

Rita: Are you drunk or something?
Phil: Drunk is more fun.

Ned: Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something--I got's a feeling [whistles] you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?

Phil: I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. *That* was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...

Ned: What are you doing later?
Phil: Something else.

First D.J.: Rise and shine, campers, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.
Second D.J.: It's cold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
First D.J.: Not hardly.

Rita: I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.
Phil: My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.

Phil: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Phil: Do you know what today is?
Rita: No, what?
Phil: Today is tomorrow. It happened.

Rita: Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil Connors: No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.

Mrs. Lancaster: Did you sleep well, Mr. Connors?
Phil Connors: I slept alone, Mrs. Lancaster.

Phil Connors: So, did you sleep OK without me? You tossed and turned, didn't you?
Rita: You're incredible.
Phil Connors: Who told you?

Phil Connors: Do you ever have deja vu Mrs Lancaster?
Mrs Lancaster: I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Rita: Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?
Larry: I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert!

Phil Connors: Can I have another one of these with some booze in it?

Phil Connors: Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know. Can you?

[It's Phil Connors' second Groundhog Day in a row, but the rest of the people seem to have completely forgotten yesterday]
Phil Connors: Well, it's groundhog day... again.

Phil Connors: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita: You never talk about work.

Phil Connors: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.

[Phil Connors drives (because Ralph and Gus are drunk) right through a mailbox]
Gus: Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.

Phil Connors: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room!", "Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!". Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track!"
Gus: Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.

[Phil Connors is stopped by the police after some crazy driving]
Phil Connors: Yeah, 3 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, 2 chocolate shakes and a large coke.

Phil Connors: There is no way this winter is EVER going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.

Piano Teacher: Not bad... Mr. Connors, you say this is your first lesson?
Phil Connors: Yes, but my father was a piano *mover*, so...

Rita: Have you ever had deja vu?
Phil Connors: Didn't you just ask me that?

Phil Connors: I've been stabbed, shocked, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.
Rita: Oh, really?
Phil Connors: Every day I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender... I am an immortal!

Rita: What did you do today?
Phil Connors: Oh, same-old same-old.

Felix's Wife: Dr. Connors. I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back. He can even help around the house again.
Phil Connors: I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.

[On the phone, trying to leave during a snowstorm]
Phil: Are you saying that all long-distance lines are down because of the snow? What about satellite communication? Is it snowing in space too? Don't you have a line for emergencies? Perhaps a special line for celebrities? I am both -- I'm a CELEBRITY in an EMERGENCY.

Phil Connors: When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

The Green Mile

2009-02-24T23:08:00.002-08:00

Paul Edgecombe: This big man is about to pull off your ears. Aren't you going to listen to him?

John Coffey: I tried to take it back, Boss.

Bill Dodge: I think this boy's cheese has done slid off his cracker.

PAUL EDGECOMB: What do you want me to do John? I'll do it. You want me to let you walk out of here and see how far you get?
John Coffey: Now why would you want to do a foolish thing like that?
Paul Edgecomb: When I die and I stand before God awaiting judgment and he asks me why I let one of HIS miracles die, what am I gonna say, that it was my job?

Paul Edgecomb: So your name's John Coffey?
John Coffey: Yes, boss like the drink, only not spelled the same.
Paul Edgecomb: You can spell?
John Coffey: No.

Paul Edgecomb: What happens on the green mile stays on the green mile.

Old Paul Edgecomb: I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not.

Old Paul Edgecomb: They usually call death row the Last Mile, but we called ours the Green Mile, because the floor was the color of faded limes. We had the electric chair then. Old Sparky, we called it. I've lived a lot of years, Ellie, but 1935 takes the prize. That was the year I had the worst urinary infection of my life. That was also the year of John Coffey and the two dead girls.

John Coffey: Do you leave a light on after bedtime? Because I get a little scared in the dark sometimes. If it's a strange place.

Paul Edgecomb: The man is mean, careless, and stupid. Bad combination in a place like this.

Paul Edgecomb: Men under strain can snap. Hurt themselves. Hurt others. That's why our job is talking, not yelling. You'll do better to think of this place like an intensive care ward in a hospital.
Percy Wetmore: I think of it as a bucket of piss to drown rats in. That's all. Anybody doesn't like it can kiss my ass. How's that sit?

[a rehearsal execution]
Brutus "Brutal" Howell: Arlen Bitterbuck, you have been condemned to die by a jury of your peers, sentence imposed by a judge in good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before the sentence is carried out?
Toot-Toot: [gleefully] Yeah! I want a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the taters, I want to shit in your hat, and I got to have Mae West sit on my face, because I am one horny motherfucker!

Percy Wetmore: Adios, Chief. Drop us a card from hell, let us know if it's hot enough.
Brutus "Brutal" Howell: He's paid what he's owed. He's square with the house again, so keep your goddamn hands off him.

Paul Edgecomb: What do you want, John Coffey?
John Coffey: Just to help.

Paul Edgecomb: What did you do, big boy? What did you do to me?
John Coffey: I helped it. Didn't I help it?
Paul Edgecomb: Yes, but... how?
John Coffey: [shrugs] Just took it back, is all. Awful tired now, boss. Dog tired.

Paul Edgecomb: I just can't see God putting a gift like that in the hands of a man who would kill a child.

John Coffey: Tell the truth, boss, I don't know much'a anything. Never have.

Melinda Moores: Why do you have so many scars? Who hurt you so badly?
John Coffey: Don't hardly remember, ma'am.

Melinda Moores: What's your name?
John Coffey: John Coffey, ma'am.
Melinda Moores: Like the drink, only not spelled the same.
John Coffey: No, ma'am. Not spelt the same at all.

Melinda Moores: I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark.

Paul Edgecomb: I've done some things in my life I'm not proud of, but this is the first time I've ever felt in real danger of hell.

Paul Edgecomb: We each owe a death, there are no exceptions, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long.

Paul: On the day of my judgement, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That is was my job? My job?
John Coffey: You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?
Paul: Yes, John. I think I can.

John Coffey: You know, I fell asleep this afternoon and had me a dream. I dreamed about Del's mouse.
Paul: Did you, John?
John Coffey: I dreamed he got down to that place Boss Howell talked about, that Mouseville place. I dreamed there was kids, and how they laughed at his tricks! My! I dreamed those two little blonde-headed girls were there. They 'us laughing, too. I put my arms around 'em and sat 'em on my knees, and there 'us no blood comin' outta their hair and they 'us fine. We all watch Mr. Jingles roll that spool, and how we did laugh. Fit to bust, we was.

Arlen Bitterbuck: Do you believe that if a man repents enough for what he done wrong, than he'll get to go back to the time that was happiest for him and live there forever? Could that be what heaven's like?
Paul Edgecomb: I just about believe that very thing.
Arlen Bitterbuck: I had a young wife when I was eighteen. We spent the summer in the mountains, made love every night. After we would talk sometimes till the sun came up, and she'd lay there, barebreasted in the fire light... that was my best time.

[Edgecomb gives Coffey some cornbread]
Paul Edgecomb: My wife made it to thank you.
John Coffey: For what, boss?
Paul Edgecomb: [points to his groin] You know.
John Coffey: Oh, was she pleased?
Paul Edgecomb: Yeah. Several times.

John Coffey: People hurt the ones they love. That's how it is all around the world.

John Coffey: There's lotsa people here that hate me, lots. I can feel it. It's like bees stingin' me.
Brutus "Brutal" Howell: Well feel how we feel then. We don't hate you. Can you feel that?

Grease

2009-02-24T23:08:00.001-08:00

Putzie: I know there's more to you than just fat

Rizzo: What's up, Kenick?
Kenicke: One guess

Rizzo: "Where are you goin'? To flog your log?"
Danny: "Much better then hanging around here with you dorks."

Vince: "Hi, I'm Vince Fontaine, I'm judging the dance contest."
Marty: "I don't think I'm entered."
Vince: "A knockout like you? What's your name?"
Marty: "Marty."
Vince: "Marty what?"
Marty: "Maraschino. You know, as in cherry."

Danny: "You can't just walk out of a drive-in."

Danny: "Oh, bite the weenie, Riz."
Rizzo: "With relish."

Marty: "What's with you tonight?"
Rizzo: "I feel like a defective typewriter."
Marty: "Huh?"
Rizzo: "I skipped a period."
Marty: "Think you're P.G.?"

Principal McGee: "If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."

Sandy: "I'm going back to Australia. I might never see you agan."
Danny: "Don't talk that way, Sandy."
Sandy: "But it's true! I just had the best summer of my life and now I have to go. It isn't fair. [Danny starts kissing her.] Danny, don't spoil it!"
Danny: "It's not spoiling it, Sandy. It's only making it better."
Sandy: "Oh Danny, is this the end?"
Danny: "No Sandy. It's only the beginning."

Danny: "Oh that's cool baby. You know how it is, rockin' an' rollin' an' what not."

Sonny: "When a guy picks a chick over his buddies, somethin' gotta be wrong!"

Frenchy: "I wish I had a guardian angel to tell me what to do. You know like Debbie Reynolds had in "Tammie." What do you think?"
Waitress: "If you find him, give him my phone number."

Rizzo: "Look who's coming! Patty Simcox, the greatest thing ever to happen to Rydell Hi- [to Patty] Hi!"
Patty: "Oh I just love the first day of school, don't you?"
Rizzo: [sarcastically] "It's the biggest thrill of my life."
Patty: "Hey, they just announced the nominees for student council this morning and guess who's up for vice president?"
Rizzo: "Who?"
Patty: "ME! Isn't that the most? To say the least?"
Rizzo: "The very least."

Sandy: "Are you making fun of me, Riz?"
Rizzo: "Some people are so touchy."

Cha Cha: "They call me Cha Cha because I'm the best dancer at St. Bernadette's."
Frenchy: "With the worst reputation."

The Goonies

2009-02-24T23:07:00.004-08:00

Troy's dad: Is your mommy here?
Brandon "Brand" Walsh: No, sir. Actually, she's out at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.

Stefanie "Stef" Steinbrenner: This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.

[The Fratellis are interrogating Chunk]
Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!
Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out...But the worst thing I ever done -- I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa -- and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!

Clarke "Mouth" Devereux: You call this water?
Mama Fratelli: It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!

Mikey: Goonies never say die

Good Will Hunting

2009-02-24T23:07:00.003-08:00

Sean: Do you have a soulmate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

Will Hunting: I read your book last night.
Sean: So you're the one.

Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again till I got to meet your friends, what would you say?
Will: It's four-thirty, they're probably still awake.

Sean: Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

Chuckie: I didn't get on Cathy last night.
Will Hunting: No?
Chuckie: Nah.
Will Hunting: Why not?
Chuckie: I don't know. [yells across room] Cathy!
Cathy: What?
Chuckie: Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at me?
Cathy: Oh, fuck you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug yourself.

Will Hunting: Do you like apples?
Clark: Yeah.
Will Hunting: Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?

Billy: You're legally allowed to drink now so we figured the best thing for you was a car.

Morgan: My boy's wicked smart.

Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. He'd come home hammered, lookin' to whale on somebody. So, I had to provoke him so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings.

Sean: Twenty years of counseling. Yeah, I've seen some pretty awful shit.

Chuckie: Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's not a threat. Now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you.

Sean: So what do you really want to do?
Will: I wanna be a shepherd.
Sean: Really.
Will: I wanna move up to Nashua, get a nice little spread, get some sheep and tend to them.
Sean: Maybe you should go do that.

Skylar: I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. I'm all about three points. Hook! Hook!

Sean: If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you. I will fucking end you. You got that, chief?
Will: Time's up.

Sean: Nail them while they're vulnerable, that's my motto.

Sean: See you Monday. We'll be talking about Freud and why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse.

Skylar: You were hoping for a goodnight kiss.
Will: No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a goodnight lay, but I'll settle for like a kiss.
Skylar: How very noble of you.
Will: Thank you.

Chuckie: But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on your door, 'cause I let myself think I might get there, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there. You just left. Now I don't know much, but I know that.

Chuckie: So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there'd be equations and shit on the wall.

Morgan: Man, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all drunk. What is she gonna think about us?
Will: Yeah, Morgan, it's a real rarity that we'd be out drinking.

Sean: My dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with. Actually the worst of the beatings were between me and my brother. We would practice on each other, trying to find sticks that would break.
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Gotta go with the belt, there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: The wrench, why?
Will: 'Cause fuck him, that's why.

Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
Skylar: What?
Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.

Skylar: You men are shameful. If you're not thinking with your weiner then you're acting directly on its behalf.

Will: Do you buy all these books retail or do you send away for, like, a shrink kit that comes with all these volumes included?

Chuckie: You're sitting on a winning lottery tickey and you're too big of a pussy to cash it in.

Sean McGuire: The reason he hangs around with those "gorillas," as you called them, is because anyone of those "gorillas" would take a baseball bat to your head anyday. It's called loyalty.

Sean McGuire: If you're gonna jerk off, why don't you just do it at home with a moist towel?

Will: Do you play the piano?
Skyler: A bit.
Will: Okay, when you look at a piano you see Mozart, right?
Skyler: I see "Chopsticks."

Will Hunting: Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship?
Sean McGuire: Not unless you grab my ass.

Will Hunting: You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library.

Lambeau: Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.

Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Sean: She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.

Chuckie: Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that? [Man moans upstairs] Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna give you a fucking beating!!
[Morgan runs downstairs]
Morgan: What's up fellas?
Billy: Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own fucking house. Man, that's fucking filthy.
Morgan: I ain't got a VCR in my house.
Chuckie: Aw, c'mon, not on my glove.
Morgan: I didn't use the glove.
Chuckie: That's my Little League glove.
Morgan: What do you want me to do?
Chuckie: I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?
Morgan: I was just using it for clean-up.
Chuckie: Stop jerking off in my mother's room!
Morgan: Ain't there another VCR in the house?!
Chuckie: It's just sad bro.

Sean Maguire: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?
Will Hunting: No.
Sean Maguire: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.
Will Hunting: Why thank you.
Sean Maguire: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
Will Hunting: Nope.
Sean Maguire: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right? [Will nods] You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

Skylar: That money's a burden to me. Every day I wake up and I wish I could give that back. I'd give everything I have back to spend one more day with my father. But that's life. And I deal with it.

Gone in 60 Seconds

2009-02-24T23:07:00.001-08:00

Little Black Boy says to Kip: "That aint a tool thats a damn brick"

Memphis: Good brakes too!

Boy you need a role model.

Randall "Memphis" Raines: I'm a little TIRED, I'm a little WIRED, and I just want a little appreciation.

Memphis: Let’s Ride

Atley: Well, well, well, what do you pay your pit crews with? Oreos and gummi bearsx?

Memphis: Withought disappointment, you can’t appreciate victory
Detective Castlebeck: Eleanor tell you that?
Memphis: Now that’s hitting below the belt.

Detective Drycoff: Who’s Eleanor?
Detective Castlebeck: It's a damn car. And don’t you ever talk about my wife.

Sway: Hello Ladies. I was always a sucker for a redhead.

Sway: It had to be a girl car.
Memphis: A girl car? What kind of girl drives a hemicuda?
Sway: I’ll show you. [puts on lipstick]
Memphis: Lipstick?
Sway: Matches the car.

Sway: Next time I’ll get out the leather, high heels, and pink underwear for you.

Sway: What do you think is more exciting, having sex or stealing cars?
Memphis: Having sex or boosting cars..uhm..whoo.. Well, how about having sex while boosting cars?
Sway: That's a good line. Doesn't work on a lot of girls though.

Detective Drycoff: Man, this guy can drive!
Detective Castlebeck: What? WHAT?
Detective Drycoff: Its probably mostly the car.

Memphis: Hey man, I thought you were from Long Beach?

Donny: You look like a little ghetto smurf.

Punk: I'm not gonna mess around with someone who plays with dog shit!

[Kip is about to break into the dealership]
Mirror Man: We might as well call prison and make reservations.

Otto Halliwell: We're gonna have to go old school on this. A day to shop, a day to prep.

Randall "Memphis" Raines: I am a baaaad man.

The Sphinx: If his premature demise has in some way enlightened the rest of you as to the grim finish below the glossy veneer of criminal life, and inspired you to change your ways, then his death carries with it an inherent nobility. And a supreme glory. We should all be so fortunate. You can say "Poor Toby." I say: "Poor us."

Godzilla

2009-02-24T23:06:00.004-08:00

Lucy: Caiman is dirt. To him, you're just a pair of breasts that talk.
Animal: Well, there's an image.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: He's not some monster trying to evade you. He's just an animal. If you find what he wants, then he'll come to you.

Colonel Hicks: Don't tell me what this isn't; start telling me what the hell it is.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Well, it was first sighted off the Polynesian Pacific. That area has been subject to dozens of nuclear tests.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: This thing is much too big to be some lost dinosaur.

Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: The radiation isn't an anomoly, it's the clue.

Colonel Hicks: We didn't accomplish anything.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: No, we fed him.

Animal: Where did you find this guy?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: He's from France.

[About breaking up with Niko.]
Audrey Timmonds: It's been eight years! Some people change.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulos: Most people don't.

Animal: What do we do now?
Philippe: Running would be good.

Sergeant O'Neal: We need bigger guns

Audrey Timmonds: Wait, I don't get it... If he's the first of his kind, how can he be pregnant? Doesn't he need a mate?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulos: Not if he reproduces asexually.
Audrey Timmonds: Where's the fun in that?

The Godfather, Part II

2009-02-24T23:06:00.003-08:00

Kay: It made me think of what you once told me: "In five years the Corelone family will be completely legitimate." That was seven years ago.
Michael: I know. I'm trying, darling.

Hyman Roth: I'm just a retired investor with a pension, I went to Israel because as a Jew I wanted to live there in my twilight years.
Reporter: Is it true you're worth 300 million dollars?
Hyman Roth: I'm just a retired investor with a pension, I came here to vote in the elections because they wouldn't give me an absentee ballot.

[While watching a "Punch and Judy" puppet show.]
Don Fanucci: Oh, this is too violent for me!

Al Neri: Our friend and associate Hyman Roth is in the news. The High Court of Israel turned down his request to live there as a returning Jew. He landed in Brazil last night offering a "gift" of a million dollars if they'd let him stay. They said no. His passport's been invalidated, except for his return trip to the States.
Tom Hagen: He'll try Panama next.
Michael: Panama won't take him. Not for a million, not for ten million.

Michael Corleone: I don't want to kill everyone, Tom. Just my enemies.

[Michael confronts Fredo after learning he betrayed him.]
Michael: I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

Michael Corleone: There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Vito Corleone: I make him an offer he don't refuse.

Michael Corleone: I'll change; I'll change. I've learned that I have the strength to change.

Hyman Roth: We're bigger than U. S. Steel!

Hyman Roth: Stupid thugs. People behaving like that with guns.

Michael Corleone: If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone.

[About the unrest in Cuba.]
Michael Corleone: I saw a strange thing today. Some rebels were being arrested. One of them pulled the pin on a grenade. He took himself and the captain of the command with him. Now, soldiers are paid to fight; the rebels aren't.
Hyman Roth: What does that tell you?
Michael Corleone: It means they could win.

Michael Corleone: Hyman Roth has been dying from the same heart attack for the last twenty years.

Fredo Corleone: I'm your older brother, Mike, and I was stepped over!
Michael Corleone: That's the way Pop wanted it.
Fredo Corleone: It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!

Michael: Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

[Ordering drinks in a Havana cafe.]
Frederico "Fredo" Corleone: Uno... por favor... [to Michael] How do you say "banana daiquiri"?
Michael Corleone: "Banana daiquiri."

Frederico "Fredo" Corleone: Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.

The Godfather

2009-02-24T23:06:00.001-08:00

(Rehearsing a speech.)
Luca Brasi: "Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your house on the day of your daughter's wedding."

(Delivering his rehearsed speech.)
Luca Brasi: "Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child will be a masculine child. I pledge me ever-ending allegiance to your daughter's bridal purse."

(After Michael gets off the phone with Kay, clearly too embarrassed to tell her "I love you too.")
Clemenza: "Mikey, why don't you tell that nice girl you love her? "I love you with all-a my heart, if I don't see-a you again soon, I'm-a gonna die...""

Sonny: "Damn FBI don't respect nothin'."

Fabrizio: "In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns."

Sonny: "I want someone good, I mean very good, to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of the bathroom with just his dick in his hands."

Michael Corleone: "My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator."
Kay Adams: "Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed!"
Michael Corleone: "Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?"

Jack Woltz: "Johnny Fontane never gets that movie! That part is perfect for him, it'll make him a big star, and I'm gonna run him out of the business, and let me tell you why. Johnny Fontane ruined one of Woltz International's most valuable proteges. For five years we had her under training. Singing lessons, acting lessons, dancing lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her, I was gonna make her a big star! And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, and that it's not all dollars and cents. She was beautiful! She was young! She was innocent! She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world! And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!"

Woltz: "Now you listen to me, you smooth talking son-of-a-bitch! Let me lay it on the line for you and your boss, whoever he is. Johnny Fontane willl never get that movie! I don't care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork!"

Bonasera: "I believe in America. America has made my fortune."

Michael Corleone: "That's my family, Kay. It's not me."

Vito Corleone: "Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family, can never be a real man."

Tom Hagen: "Now we have the unions, we have the gambling; and they're the best things to have. But narcotics is a thing of the future. And if we don't get a piece of that action, we risk everything we have. I mean not now, but, ah, ten years from now."

(Luca Brasi's bulletproof vest is delivered, wrapped around a fish.)
Clemenza: "It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."

Tessio: "Can you get me off the hook, Tom? For old times' sake?"
Tom Hagen: "Can't do it, Sally."

Don Corleone: "Tattaglia's a pimp. He never could've outfoxed Santino. But I didn't know until this day that it was Barzini all along."

Don Vito Corleone: "I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men."

Tom Hagen: "You know how they're going to come at you?"
Michael Corleone: "They want to arrange a meeting between me and Barzini. On Tessio's ground. Where I'll be safe."

Vito Corleone: "You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me?"

Vito Corleone: "I like to drink wine more than I used to. Anyway, I'm drinking more."
Michael Corleone: "It's good for you, Pop."

Vito Corleone: "I never thought you were a bad consiglieri, Tom. I thought Santino was a bad don, rest in peace."

Don Vito Corleone: "What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you."

Vito Corleone: "I like to drink wine more than I used to."
Michael: "It's good for ya, Pop."
Vito Corleone: "Anyway I'm drinkin' more."

Tom Hagen: "Mr. Corleone never asks a second favor once he's refused the first, understood?"

Clemenza: "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

(After being asked how he will arrange to buy a hotel from Moe Greene)
Michael Corleone: "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

(Speaking with the father of the girl he plans to marry, and after telling him that he's in hiding from some gangsters)
Michael Corleone: "Some people will pay a lot of money for that information, but then your daugther would lose a father, instead of gaining a husband."

Michael Corleone: "Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever."

Sonny Corleone: "Tom, that was personal. This is business, and this man is taking it very very personal."

Michael Corleone: "It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business."

Go

2009-02-24T23:05:00.002-08:00

Claire: Gay men are so hot. It's tragic.

Ronna: I need a favor.
Todd: Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends, because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors and I don't even give my best friends head so your chances of getting a favor are pretty slim.

Singh: Just so we're clear, you stole a car, shot a bouncer, and had sex with two women?

Todd: Ronna, I just gave you a favor.
Ronna: And here I just thought you gave me head.

Todd: You come to me out of the blue, asking to buy 20 hits. Just so happens that 20 being the magic number at which intent to sell becomes trafficking!
Ronna: Todd, I would never fuck you like that.
Todd: How would you fuck me?

Tiny: Yo, I told you, my mother's mother's mother was black!
Marcus: Man, if you were any less black you'd be clear.

Zack: It really didn't go as bad as it could have.
Adam: A girl is dead, Zack.
Zack: I didn't say it went perfectly.

[Referring to the Family Circus comic strip]
Todd: And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck.

Victor Sr.: You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so fucking incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the fucking difference.

[Selling allergy medicine as drugs]
Ronna Martin: You know what makes it even better? If you take like a lot of pot with it. I mean like, like a lot of pot.

Simon Baines: He's a good guy.
Marcus: Oh, he's the good drug dealer.

Burke: I just want to make a deal. Can we make a deal?
Ronna Martin: Who the hell are you? Monty Hall?

Zack: Let's think about this logically. She's either alive, or she's dead.

Ronna Martin: I could leave something with you. Collateral.
Todd Gaines: I already got a fuckin' Swatch.

[Adam and Zack are in the rain trying to make space in their trunk to put a body in it.]
Zack: Wait! Stop! Hold it!
Adam: What?! What?!
Zack: It's a Miata!!!

Simon Baines: They can't evict you on Christmas! Then you'd be ho-ho-homeless!

Gladiator

2009-02-24T23:05:00.001-08:00

[Maximus looks at images of his wife and son]
Juba: Can they hear you?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Who?
Juba: Your family. In the afterlife.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Oh yes.
Juba: What do you say to them?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: To my boy, I tell him I will see him again soon. To keep his heels down while riding his horse. To my wife... that is not your business.

Gracchus: I don't pretend to be a man of the people, senator. But I do try to be a man for the people.

Gracchus: He enters Rome like a conquering hero. But what has he conquered?
Falco: Give him time, Gracchus. He's young, he may do very well.
Gracchus: For Rome, or for you?

Lucilla: Today I saw a slave become more powerful than the Emperor of Rome.

Commodus: Am I not merciful? AM I NOT MERCIFUL?

[To his dead friend]
Juba: I will see you again... but not yet. Not yet!

Commodus: The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: You would fight me?
Commodus: Why not? Do you think I am afraid?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: I think you've been afraid all your life.

Lucilla: Let me help you.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Yes, you can help me... Forget you ever knew me, and never come here again.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
Commodus: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: You must know. He was your father.
Commodus: You loved my father, I know. But so did I. That makes us brothers, doesn't it? [stabs him] Smile for me now, brother.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: At my signal, unleash hell.

Lucilla: Is Rome worth one good man's life?

[Watching Lucius sleep]
Commodus: He sleeps so well because he is loved.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: What we do in life, echoes in eternity.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: I am required to kill, so I kill. That is enough.
Proximo: That's enough for the provinces, but not enough for Rome.

[after swiftly dispatching another gladiator]
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

Maximus Decimus Meridius: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Quintus: People should know when they are conquered.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Would you, Quintus? Would I?

Marcus Aurelius: When was the last time you were home?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Three years, two hundred and sixty-four days and this morning.

Lucius: Are you the one they call the Spaniard?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Yes.
Lucius: They said you were a giant. They said you could crush a man's skull with one hand.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: A man's? No. A boy's?

Maximus Decimus Meridius: Five thousand of my men are out there in the freezing mud. Three thousand of them are bloodied and cleaved. Two thousand will never leave this place. I will not believe they fought and died for nothing.

Marcus Aurelius: There was a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: Ancestors, I ask for your guidance. Blessed mother, come to me with the Gods' desire for my future. Blessed father, watch over my wife and son with a ready sword. Whisper to them that I live only to hold them again. Ancestors, I honor you and will try to live with the dignity that you have taught me.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: I may die here in this cell tonight or in the arena tomorrrow. I am a slave, what possible difference can I make?

Gracchus: He will bring them death, and they will love him for it.

Gracchus: But the Senate IS the people, sire. Chosen from AMONG the people. To speak FOR the people.
Commodus: I doubt if any of the people eat so well as you, Gracchus. Or have such splendid mistresses, Gaius.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: Strength and honor.

Commodus: It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed.

[addressing his troops]
Maximus Decimus Meridius: If you find yourself alone, riding through green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium, and are already dead.

Titus: We who are about to die salute you.

Proximo: Those giraffes you sold me,they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer giraffes. I want my money back.

Proximo: Listen to me. Learn from me. I was not the best because I killed quickly. I was the best because the crowd loved me. Win the crowd and you will win your freedom.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: You risk too much.
Lucilla: I have much to pay for.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: You have nothing to pay for.

Marcus Aurelius: Let us pretend that you are a loving daughter, and I am a good father.
Lucilla: Is this not a pleasant fiction?

Maximus Decimus Meridius: Proximo, are you in danger of becoming a good man?

Lucilla: My brother hates all the world and you most of all.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Because your father chose me.
Lucilla: No. Because my father loved you. And because I loved you.

Proximo: [addressing his new recruits] I am Proximo! I shall be closer to you for the next few days, which will be the last of your miserable lives, than that bitch of a mother that brought you screaming into this world! I did not pay good money for your company. I paid it so that I might profit from your death. And just as your mother was there at your beginning, I shall be there at your end. And when you die -- and die you shall -- your transition will be to the sound of... [claps his hands] Gladiators... I salute you.

[Looking at some slaves]
Proximo: Can any of them fight? I've got a match coming up.
Slave Trader: Some are good for fighting, others for dying. You need both, I think.

Proximo: [holding up a sword] Thrust this into another man's flesh, and they will applaud and love you for that. You may even begin to love them, for that.

Proximo: Some of you are thinking that you won't fight. Others, that you can't fight. They all say that.

Proximo: Ultimately, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, but what we can decide is how we meet that end, in order that we are remembered as men.

Commodus: I think I understand my own people, Senator.
Gracchus: Then perhaps Caeser will be so good as to teach us, out of his own extensive experience?
Commodus: I call it love, Gracchus. I am their father, the people are my children. I shall hold them to my bosom and embrace them tightly--
Gracchus: Have you ever embraced someone dying of plague, Sire?
Commodus: No, but if you interrupt me again, I assure you that you shall.

[Upon seeing the Coliseum for the first time.]
Juba: I didn't know men could build such things.

Lucilla: Is Rome worth one good man's life? We believed it once. Make us believe it again. He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him.

Proximo: We mortals are but shadows and dust.

Gracchus: The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the Senate. It is the sand of the Colosseum.

Marcus Aurelius: You have proven your valor once again, Maximus. Let us hope for the last time.
Maximus Decimus Meridius: There is no one left to fight, sire.
Marcus Aurelius: There is always someone left to fight. How can I reward Rome's greatest general?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: Let me go home.
Marcus Aurelius: Ah, home.

Marcus Aurelius: Won't you accept this great honor that I have offered you?
Maximus Decimus Meridius: With all my heart, no.
Marcus Aurelius: Maximus, that is why it must be you.

Juba: You have a great name. He must kill your name before he kills you.

Maximus Decimus Meridius: Marcus Aurelius had a dream that was Rome, Proximo. This is not it. This is not it!

Proximo: So Spaniard, we shall go to Rome together and have bloody adventures. And the great whore will suckle us until we are fat and happy and can suckle no more. And then, when enough men have died, perhaps you will have your freedom.

Maximus: You know dirt cleans a lot easier than blood, Quintus.

Commodus: Whyi s he still alive?
Lucilla: I don't know.
Commodus:He shouldn't be alive. It vexes me, I'm terribly vexed.

Commodus: Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee. Or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood.

Marcus Aurelius: Tell me again, Maximus, why are we here?
Maximus: For the glory of the empire, Sire. Marcus Aurelius: Ah yes. Ah yes. I remember now

Lucilla: I knew a man once, a noble man. A man of principle who loved my father and my father loved him. This man served Rome well. Maximus: That man is gone, your brother did his work well.

Maximus: (to Proximo) He killed the man who set you free.

Girl, Interrupted

2009-02-24T23:04:00.002-08:00

Lisa: Lady back off!
Lady: was i talking to you?!
Lisa: No, you were spitting on me so mellow fucking out!
Lady: Dont you tell me what to do
Lisa: Look, she gave your husband a rim job, big fucking deal! I'm sure he was begging for it, and I heard it was like a pencil anyways.
Lady: Oh, you how dare you!
Lisa: a word of advice? dont point your FUCKING finger at crazy people!

Lisa-Yeah, well that's what their-rape-me is all about. Yeah, that's why Freud's picture is on every shrinks wall. You create a fucking industry. You lie down, you confess your secrets and you're saved. Cha-Ching! And the more you confess the more they think about setting you free.
Susanna-What if you don't have a secret?
Lisa-Then you're a lifer like me.

Lisa: whats your diagnonsense?

Susanna Kaysen: [narrating] Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.

Daisy: You're just jealous, Lisa, 'cause I have a chance... and a life.
Lisa: You call this a life? Taking daddy's money! Buying all your dollies and your knick-knacks! Fattening up like a prize fucking heifer. You changed the scenery but not the fucking situation. And everybody knows -- *everybody* knows -- that he fucks you. But what they don't know... is that you like it.

Janet: I want my fucking clothes!
Valerie: Then I guess you'll have to eat something, won't you?
Janet: [singing] Oh Lordy, pick a bale o cotton, Oh Lordy, pick a bale o hay, gotta jump down spin around pick a bale o cotton, jump down spin around, pick a bale o hay...
Valerie: [to Susanna] She thinks that bothers me.

Susanna Kaysen: Oh my God... a guy I know was just drafted.
Janet: What's his name?
Susanna Kaysen: Tobey.
Janet: Well, he's dead now.

Daisy: Which do you like better? Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching?
Susanna Kaysen: Alone.
Daisy: Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out, I like to be alone when it goes in. Eating in the cafeteria is like being with 20 girls all at once taking a dump.
Lisa: That is fucked up, Daisy.

Lisa: We are very rare and we are mostly men.
Janet: Lisa thinks she's hot shit cause she's a sociopath.
Cynthia: I'm a sociopath.
Lisa: No, you're a dyke.

Susanna Kaysen: You know, taking us out for ice cream in the middle of a blizzard makes you wonder who the real wack jobs are.

Susanna Kaysen: What kind of sex isn't casual?

Susanna Kaysen: I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.

Susanna Kaysen: How am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease?

Cynthia: Hey John, call me a cab.
John: Okay, you're a cab.

Susanna Kaysen: No one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place to feel alive. It's pathetic.

Lisa Rowe: If I could have any job in the world I'd be a professional Cinderella.

Ghostbusters II

2009-02-24T23:04:00.001-08:00

Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon Spengler: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

Egon Spengler: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505. Died 1610.
Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didnt he?
Ray Stantz: He didnt die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, steretched, diesemboweled, drawn and quartered.
Peter Venkman: Ouch.

Prince Vigo: On a mountain of skulls, in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!

Janosz: He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter: I *am* a fraud!

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Y'know, I've met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you'd be living the sweet life out in southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!

Venkman: Suck in the guts guys, we're the Ghostbusters.

Egon Spengler: Venkman, get a stool sample.
Peter Venkman: Business, or personal?

Louis Tully: Your Honour, ladies and gentleman, I don't think it's very fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them, because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

Dana: His name is Oscar.
Peter Venkman: Named after a hot dog, you poor man.

Egon Spengler: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.
Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Ray Stantz: Ungrateful little yuppie larva.

Dana: Okay, but after dinner, I don't want you putting any of your old cheap moves on me.
Peter: Ohhhh no! I've got all NEW cheap moves.

Peter: Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it?
Ray: Wonder what?
Peter: If she's wearing anything under that toga.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who are you gonna call?!

Ray Stantz: You mean you never even had a Slinky?
Egon Spengler: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

Psychic: I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, for your sake, I hope you're right.

Talk Show Guest: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Valentine's day. Bummer.

[The Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr. Peter Venkman]
Dr. Peter Venkman: You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?

Dana: You're much better than you realize. You don't give yourself enough credit.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know, if I had this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.

[Dana hands Oscar to Peter.]
Dana Barrett: It's late, I really ought to put him down.
Doctor Peter Venkman: May I?
Dana Barrett: Yeah, if you want to.
Doctor Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.

Vigo: Death is but a doorway, time is but a window, I'll be back.

Doctor Raymond Stantz: You think this river of slime has anything to do with this Vigo character?
Doctor Egon Spengler: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

Doctor Egon Spengler: Vigo the Carpathian. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Doctor Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Ghostbusters

2009-02-24T23:03:00.002-08:00

Egon: "There's something very important I forgot to tell you."
Venkman: "What?"
Egon: "Don't cross the streams."
Venkman: "Why?"
Egon: "It would be bad."
Venkman: "I'm fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing. Whattya mean 'bad'?"
Egon: "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
Ray: "Total protonic reversal..."
Venkman: "Right, that's bad... OK... important safety tip. Thanks Egon."

Hotel guest: "What are you guys, cosmonauts?"
Peter: "Exterminators. Someone's seen a cockroach up on twelve."
Hotel guest: "Must be some cockroach."

Peter: "Bite your head off, man."

Ray Stantz: "You know, it just occured to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment."
Egon Spengler: "I blame myself."
Peter Venkman: "So do I."
Ray Stantz: "Well, no sense in worrying about it now."
Peter Venkman: "Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."

Dana: "You know, you don't act like a scientist."
Venkman: "They're kind of stiff."
Dana: "You're more like a game show host."

(Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door.)
Dana: "Are you the keymaster?"
Venkman: "Not that I know of."
(She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again.)
Dana: "Are you the Keymaster?"
Venkman: "Yes! Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here."

Ray: "I think we better split up."
Egon: "Good idea."
Venkman: "Yeah... we can do more damage that way."

(Evaluating a site for their business.)
Peter: "What do you think, Egon?"
Egon: "I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone."
Ray: "Hey! Does this pole still work? (slides down a fireman's pole) Wow. This place is great! When can we move in? You gotta try this pole! I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey! We should stay here. Tonight! Sleep here! You know, to try it out!"
Peter: "I think we'll take it."

(Business is terrible at Ghostbusters.)
Janine Melnitz: (answers the phone) "Hello, Ghostbusters... Yes, of course they're serious... You do?... You have?... No kidding. Just gimme the address... Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you [hangs up] WE GOT ONE!!"

(How to deal with the Stay-Puft marshmallow man.)
Peter Venkman: "We've been going about this all wrong. This Mister Stay-Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!"

Dr. Peter Venkman: "Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon... what've you got left?"
Dr. Egon Spengler: "Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought."

(After the Ghostbusters fail to "get" the library ghost and instead run away in terror.)
Dr. Peter Venkman: "Hee hee hee! "Get her!" That was your whole plan, "Get her!" You were scientific!"

Dr. Peter Venkman: "Mother pus bucket!"

Dr. Raymond Stantz: "My parents left me that house. I was born there!"
Dr. Peter Venkman: "You're not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays."

Egon: "I feel like the floor of a taxi cab."

Peter Venkman: "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!"

Peter Venkman: "Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?"

Dr. Raymond Stantz: "Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947."
Dr. Peter Venkman: "You're right, no human being would stack books like this."

Ray: "Listen! You smell something?"

Dr. Peter Venkman: "I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me."

Dr. Peter Venkman: "24 hours a day, seven days a week. No job is too big, no fee is too big."

Doctor Peter Venkman: "Back off man. I'm a scientist."

Doctor Peter Venkman: "This chick is *toast*"

Janine Melnitz: "Do you have any hobbies?"
Egon Spengler: "I collect spores, molds, and fungus."
Janine Melnitz: "That's very fascinating. I like to read a lot myself."
Egon Spengler: "Print is dead."

Doctor Peter Venkmann: "Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to drill a hole in your head."
Doctor Egon Spengler: "That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me."

Doctor Raymond Stantz: "Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense of course."

Dean Yeager: "This university will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities."
Doctor Peter Venkman: "But the kids love us!"

Doctor Raymond Stantz: "Where do these stairs go?"
Doctor Peter Venkman: "They go up."

(Dana has described seeing a terror dog in her refrigerator.)
Dr. Peter Venkman: "Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance."

Dana Barrett: "That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there."
Dctor Peter Venkman: "What a crime."

(Doctor Peter Venkman is opening the refrigerator door to look for ghosts)
Doctor Peter Venkman: "Oh my God! Look at all the junk food."

Doctor Peter Venkman: "He slimed me!"

(Persuading the mayor to let them stop a supernatural upheaval.)
Dr. Peter Venkman: "If we're wrong, we go to jail---peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing, Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters."

Dr. Raymond Stantz: "Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here."
Walter Peck: "They caused an explosion!"
Mayor: "Is this true?"
Dr. Peter Venkman: "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

Janine Melnitz: "Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?"
Winston Zeddmore: "Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say."

(Dana is possessed by The Gatekeeper.)
Dana Barrett: "Do you want this body?"
Doctor Peter Venkman: "Is this a trick question?"

Winston Zeddmore: "Do you believe in God?"
Doctor Raymond Stantz: "Never met him."

Janine: "Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tulley?"
Louis to Egon: "Do I?"
Egon: "Yes, have some."
Louis to Janine: "Yes, have some."

Egon: "Vince, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?"
Vince Klortho: "Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zools knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

Doctor Peter Venkman: "NOBODY steps on a church in my town!"

Ray Stantz: "Gozer the Gozerian: good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activities and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension."

Winston Zeddmore: "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

Peter Venkman: "Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!"

Ghost

2009-02-24T23:03:00.001-08:00

Sam Wheat: I'm Henry the 8th I am. Henry the 8th I am I am. I got married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before.

[Looking longingly at a pack of cigarettes.]
Subway Lord: Ahh what I wouldn't give for a drag! Just one drag!

Molly Jensen: I love you.
Sam Wheat: Ditto.

Oda Mae Brown: He's stuck, that's what it is. He's in between worlds. You know it happens sometimes that the spirit gets yanked out so fast that the essence still feels it has work to do here.
Sam Wheat: Would you stop rambling?
Oda Mae Brown: I don't think I'm rambling, I'm just answering the question. He's got a' attitude now.
Sam Wheat: I don't have an attitude.
Oda Mae Brown: Yes, you do have an attitude. If you didn't have an attitude, you would not have raised your voice at me now would you?
Sam Wheat: God dammit -
Oda Mae Brown: Don't you "God dammit" me. Don't you take the Lord's name in vain with me. I don't take that!
Sam Wheat: Would you relax?
Oda Mae Brown: No, you relax, you're the dead guy!

Oda Mae Brown: I know you don't think I'm giving these four million dollars to a bunch of nuns!

Sam Wheat: It's amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.

Oda Mae Brown: Why don't you go haunt a house? Rattle some chains or something.

Get Shorty

2009-02-24T23:02:00.002-08:00

Chili Palmer: "Whew, this movie business is tough. I might just have to go back to loan-sharking for a while to get some vacation."

Bobby: "Mr. Barbone? Hi, my name's Bobby, I'll be your driver. How was your flight?"
Ray Barboni: "Yeah? Well I hope you drive better than you fuckin spell, jack off. The name's Barboni, not Barbone!"

Ray Barboni: "I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?"
Bobby: "They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets."
Ray Barboni: "That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit."

Bo Catlett: "Man, I can't wait for you to be dead."

(About Martin Weir's inability to act.)
Chili: "You can't just turn a Martin Weir into a Mel Gibson."

Leo: "But you don't even know where I'll be. I don't even know where I'll be."
Chili: "I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar."

Nicky: "How's Momo these days anyway?"
Chili: "Dead."

Martin: "And I'm wondering: how did it all slip away?"
Karen: "Well, it didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to fuck Nicky at my birthday party."
Martin: "Yeah, that was a good party."

(After kissing Harry)
Doris: "Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like?"

Chili: "How did you get in here?"
Ray Bones: "It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me."

Karen: ""I'll think about it" means nothing in L.A.."

Ray "Bones" Barboni: "Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead. Which means everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Cap, including you. Which also means, when I speak, I speak for Jimmy. E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper fuckin' respect."
Chili Palmer: ""E.g." means "for example". What I think you want to use is "i.e."."
Ray "Bones" Barboni: "Bullshit! That's short for "ergo"."
Chili Palmer: "Ask your man."
Bodyguard: "To the best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example"."
Ray "Bones" Barboni: "E.g., i.e., fuck you! The point is this: When I say "jump", you say "OK", okay?"

Karen Flores: "Weren't you scared back there?"
Chili Palmer: "You bet."
Karen Flores: "You don't act like it."
Chili Palmer: "Well, I was scared then, but I'm not scared now. How long do you want me to be scared?"

Bo Catlett: "You think we watch any of your movies, Harry? I've seen better film on teeth."

Chili Palmer: "I'm the guy who's telling you the way it is."

Ray Bones: "Fuck you, fuckball."

Chili Palmer: "Martin, look at me."
Martin Weir: "I'm looking at you"
Chili Palmer: "No, look at me the way I'm looking at you."

Ray Bones: "They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason you have such beautiful fucking sunsets."

Chili Palmer: "I'm not going to say anymore than I have to, if that."

Harry Zimm: "I once asked this literary agent what writing paid the best, and he said, "ransom notes.""

Bo Catlett: "What is the point of living in L.A. if you're not in the movie business?"

George of the Jungle

2009-02-24T23:02:00.001-08:00

(Translating with a Swahili phrasebook.)
Lyle: "Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning."

Lyle: "Sorry, Stonebelly. The better man won, that's all. Or, I should say, the one who brought mercenaries won; *that's* all!"

Ape: ""All of George's secrets." There's the shortest book ever written."

Ape: "George, remember the time I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair? Well, now's a good time to forget it."

George: "To swing or not to swing? Swing."

Narrator: "And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies on the perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, the reacted with awe."
Group: "Aaaawwww."
Narrator: "I said "awe." A-W-E."
Group: "Ooohhh."
Narrator: "That's better."

Narrator: "The jungle king was pleased to find that he looked pretty good in Armani."
George: "Pretty darn good."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set..."

Ursula's mother: "Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall."
Ape: "Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall."

Narrator: "Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos."

Narrator: "George can't die because he's the star."

George: "Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here? George never bringing Shep here! Uh uh! Never!

George of the Jungle

2009-02-24T23:01:00.004-08:00

The Fugitive

2009-02-24T23:01:00.003-08:00

Samuel Gerard: Well, shit, sheriff.

Sheriff Rollins: Okay boys, gather around here and listen up. We're shuttin' it down, Wyatt Earp's here to mop up.
U.S. Marshall Gerard: That's funny. "Wyatt Earp."

Dep. Biggs: If they can dye the river green today, why can't they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?

Bones: What ever happened with that thing about your wife?
Kimble: It's not over.

Samuel Gerard: Listen up, ladies and gentlemen. Our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes. Average foot speed over unever ground barring injuries is four miles per hour; that gives us a radius of six miles. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him.

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Newman, what are you doing?
Newman: I'm thinking.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, while you're thinking.

Cosmo Renfro: When I die, I'm gonna come back just like you.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Oh, you mean happy and handsome?

U.S. Marshal Erin Poole: Care to revise your statement, sir?
Prison Guard: What?
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Do you want to change your bullshit story, sir?

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: I want a whole bunch of phone taps. You tell him I'll call him up later and tell on whom - IF I'm in a good mood.

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Let that be a lesson to you, boys and girls. Don't ever argue with the big dog, because the big dog is always right.

Dr. Richard Kimble: I didn't kill my wife!
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: I don't care!

Detective Kelly: We were just informed by the U.S. Marshal's Office that Doctor Richard Kimble is alive and well and living in the city of Chicago. Now you all know in what high regard I hold the scumbag. So I am personally donating a bottle of twelve-year-old Scotch to whoever puts the collar on this quack.

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Doctor Nichols, you really want to help him? You really want to be his friend? Then you'll help us bring him in, unharmed.
Dr. Charles Nichols: Why? So he can go back to prison? Tsk, tsk, tsk. If you want help, gentlemen, you've come to the wrong man. Richard is innocent. You'll never find him. He's too smart.
Biggs: Oh... we're pretty smart guys.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Yeah, what about us?
Cosmo Renfro: Last time I looked.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Yeah, we're smart. We are. I mean, how smart could he be, really? Is he as smart as you are?
Dr. Charles Nichols: Smarter.

[Last line]
Dr. Richard Kimble: I thought you didn't care?
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: I don't! [laughs] Don't tell anybody, OK?

Forrest Gump

2009-02-24T23:01:00.001-08:00

Fat Man on Bench: It was a bullet wasn't it?
Forrest: A bullet?
Fat Man on Bench: that jumped up and bit ya...
Forrest: oh, yes sir, bit me directly in the buttocks...they [the army surgeons] said it was a million dollar wound, the army must keep that money 'cause I ain't seen a nickle o' that million dollars"

Forrest: "Mama always said, dying was a part of life."

Forrest: "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."

Forrest: "Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."

Bubba: "Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that's about it."

(Repeated line)
Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does."

Fight Club

2009-02-24T22:58:00.002-08:00

Narrator: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

Marla : "I haven't been fucked like that since gradeschool."

Tyler Durden: How much can you know about yourself if you've

[after vigorous sex with Tyler Durden]
Marla Singer: I haven't been fucked like that since grade school!

Narrator: I am Jack's smirking revenge.

Tyler Durden: Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives.

Tyler Durden: We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm beginning to wonder if another woman is what we really need.

Narrator: First one through this door gets a, gets a LEAD SALAD!

Narrator: Marla was like that cut on the roof of your mouth that would go away if you'd stop tonguing it, but you can't.

Tyler Durden: I look the way you want to look, I fuck the way you want to fuck.

Boss: Is that your blood?
Narrator: Some of it, yeah.

Narrator: I wanted to destroy something beautiful.

Tyler Durden: You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Narrator: With insomnia, you're never really asleep; you're never really awake.

Tyler Durden: We were raised on television to believe that we'd all be millionares, movie gods, rock stars, but we won't. And we're starting to figure that out.

Tyler Durden: You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Narrator: With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.

Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Tyler Durden: First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, when someone say "stop" or goes limp, the fight is over. Fourth rule of Fight Club, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule of Fight Club, one fight at a time. Sixth rule of Fight Club, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule of Fight Club, fights go on as long as they have to. Eighth and final rule of Fight Club, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Narrator: We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they listen--
Marla Singer: --instead of waiting for their turn to speak.

Tyler Durden: It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

[After meeting and having sex with Marla]
Tyler Durden: Man, you've got some weird fucking friends. Limber, though...

Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.

Narrator: Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator: Why?
Tyler Durden: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that's a good thing.
Tyler Durden: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
Narrator: This is crazy.
Tyler Durden: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator: I don't know about this.
Tyler Durden: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler Durden: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...
Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!

[Tyler and Narrator are discussing ideal opponents.]
Tyler Durden: OK: any historic figure.
Narrator: I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler Durden: Lincoln.
Narrator: Lincoln?
Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now: should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up, then.

Tyler Durden: You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.

Tyler Durden: Our fathers were our models for God. If they bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.

Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

Narrator: I am Jack's cold sweat.

[Holding up a wad of cash]
Marla Singer: You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

Narrator: If I had a tumor, I'd name it Marla.

Tyler Durden: We're designed to be hunters and we're in a society of shopping. There's nothing to kill anymore, there's nothing to fight, nothing to overcome, nothing to explore. In that social emasculation this everyman is created.

[meeting aboard an airliner]
Narrator: What do you do for a living?
Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?

[squeezing out of an airliner seat]
Tyler Durden: Now, a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Narrator: He was the guerilla terrorist for the food service industry. Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well...
Tyler Durden: Tell 'em.
Narrator: ...you get the idea.

Narrator: I am Jack's raging bile duct.

[at a cancer support meeting]
Narrator: Oh yeah, Chloe... Chloe looked how Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everyone.
Chloe: Well, I'm still here. But I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me... I have some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. [audience claps] But I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end and all I want is to get laid for the last time... I have pornographic movies in my apartment, lubricants, and amyl nitrate... [the group leader takes the mic]
Group Leader: Everyone, let's thank Chloe.

Narrator: A guy started at Fight Club, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.

Narrator: I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. And then I ran some more.

Tyler Durden: Did you know that by mixing equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator: Really?
Tyler Durden: One could make all sorts of explosives using common household items...
Narrator: Uh-huh...
Tyler Durden: ...if one were so inclined.

Narrator: After fighting, everything else in your life has got the volume turned down.

Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Tyler Durden: Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don't need.

Narrator: Losing all hope is freedom.

Tyler Durden: Do you know what a "duvet" is?
Narrator: It's a comforter...
Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket.

Narrator: [While brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

Narrator: [reading] "I am Jack's colon."
Tyler Durden: I get cancer, I kill Jack.

Tyler Durden: You just had a near-life experience.

Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon bleu hobby-kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos. Sample-packaged mouthwash. The people I meet on flights? They're single-serving friends.

Narrator: We'll split up the week. You can have lymphoma, tuberculosis and --
Marla Singer: You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.
Narrator: I think testicular cancer should be no contest.
Marla Singer: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator: You're kidding.
Marla Singer: I don't know -- am I? ...I'll take the parasites.
Narrator: You can't have both parasites. You can take blood parasites --
Marla Singer: I want brain parasites.
Narrator: Okay. I'll take blood parasites and organic brain dementia --
Marla Singer: I want that.
Narrator: You can't have the whole brain!
Marla Singer: So far, you have four and I only have two!
Narrator: Then take blood parasites. It's yours. Now we each have three.

Marla Singer: You know, I bought this dress at a thrift shop for a dollar.
Narrator: Worth every penny.

Narrator: I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

Tyler Durden: It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There's always that.

["Jack" pulls a loose tooth out of his mouth.]
Tyler Durden: Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.

[about attending support groups for diseases she doesn't have]
Marla Singer: It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.

Narrator: Look, no one takes this more seriously than me! That condo was my life, okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed, that was ME! [voice-over] I'd like to thank the Academy...

Narrator: I am Jack's wasted life.

Narrator: I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

Tyler Durden: Forget about what you think you know about life.

Narrator: I am Jack's broken heart.

Narrator: Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?

Narrator: You met me at a very strange time in my life.

Narrator: Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business flight.

The Fifth Element

2009-02-24T22:58:00.001-08:00

[Father Cornelius confides in a bartender.]
Father Cornelius: I know she's made to be strong, but she's also so fragile, so human. Do you understand what I'm saying?
[Robot bartender shakes its head.]

[Demonstrating a weapon.]
Zorg: Voila: the ZF-1. It's light. Handle's adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into 4 parts, undetectable by x-ray; ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Three thousand round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the Replay button (another Zorg invention) it's even easier. One shot, and Replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies but goldies. Rocket launcher. Arrow launcher, with explodin' and poisonous gas heads. Very practical. Our famous net launcher. The ALWAYS efficient flame-thrower. My favorite. And for the Grand Finale, the all new "Ice Cube System!"

Zorg: Look at my fingers: four stones, four crates. Zero stones? ZERO CRATES!

DJ Ruby Rhod: WHat the hell are you screamin' for? Every thirty seconds there's a bomb or somethin'! I'm leavin! bzzzz!

Father Cornelius: You're a monster, Zorg.
Zorg: I know.

Father Cornelius: What are you doing?
Korben Dallas: Trying to save your ass so you can save the world.

Zorg: Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder, and chaos.

Leeloo: Leeloo Dallas mul-ti-pass. Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Yeah, this is my wife, Leelo.
Leeloo: Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Newlywed, just married.
Leeloo: Mul-ti-pass.
Korben Dallas: Yes, she knows it's a multipass! Anyways, we're in love.

[Father Cornelius and Ruby Rhod see the bomb stuck to the door]
Cornelius: It's a - it's a - it's a - it's a - it's a - it's a -
Ruby Rhod: No no no no no no. If it were a bomb, wouldn't we be hearing the alarms? All these hotels have bomb detectors.
[The alarms sound]

Zorg: This case is empty.
Cornelius: What?
Zorg: Empty. The opposite of full. This case is supposed to be full!
Aknot: You asked for a case. We brought you a case.
Zorg: A case with four stones in it! What the hell am I supposed to do with an empty case?
Aknot: We are warriors, not merchants.
Zorg: But you can still count!

General Munro: The Mondoshawans never fully trusted the human race.

Leeloo: Everything you create, you use to destroy.
Korben Dallas: Yeah, we call it human nature.

David: Father, are you sure she's a supreme being?

Head Scientist: Anticipation denotes intelligence.

Police: Are you classified as human?
Dallas: No, I am a meat popsicle.

DJ Ruby Rhod: Quiver ladies, quiver!

Ruby Rhod: What was that honey? It was bad! It had no fire, no energy, no nothing! So tomorrow from 5 to 7 will you PLEASE act like you have more than a two word vocabulary! It must be green!
Korben Dallas: Can I talk to you for a second? [Throws Ruby up against a wall] I didn't come here to play poom-bow on the radio. So tomorrow from 5 to 7 your gonna give yourself a hand, green?
Ruby Rhod: Supergreen.

DJ Ruby Rhod: We'll find out everything there is to know about the D man: his dreams, his desires, his most intimates of intimates, and from what I'm looking at, "intimate" is the stud muffin's middle name! So tell me my man, are you nervous in the service?
Korben Dallas: Mmm... not really.

Korben Dallas: I only speak two languages - English and bad English.

Leeloo: Me fifth element - supreme being. Me protect you.

Leeloo: I do not know love. I was trained to protect, not to love.

Father Cornelius: Evil begets evil. Shooting it only makes it stronger.

Ruby Rhod: And now we enter what must the most beautiful concert hall of all the universe! A perfect replica of the old opera house! ...But who cares?

Thai: You got a message.
Major Korben Dallas: Yeah
Thai: You're not gonna open it? It might be important.
Major Korben Dallas: Yeah, like the last two I got were important. The first one was from my wife, telling me she was leaving. The second was from my lawyer, telling me he was leaving... with my wife.
Thai: Ah, that's bad luck. Grandfather say it not rain everyday. This is good news, guaranteed. I bet your lunch.
Major Korben Dallas: Okay, you're on.
Thai: Come on... [Reads.] You are fired. Oh.
Major Korben Dallas: Well, at least I won lunch.
Thai: Good philosophy, see good in bad, I like.

[Korben shows up at Father Cornelius' door with an unconscious Leeloo in his arms.]
Priest Vito Cornelius: Yes?
Major Korben Dallas: I'm, uh, looking for a priest.
Priest Vito Cornelius: Weddings are one floor down, my son. Congratulations.

Major Korben Dallas: Whats your name?
Leeloo: Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat.
Major Korben Dallas: Good. That... that whole thing's your name, huh? Do you have, uh... a shorter name?
Leeloo: Leeloo.

Field of Dreams

2009-02-24T22:57:00.003-08:00

Ray Kinsella: "It's okay, honey. I... I was just talking to the cornfield."

Annie Kinsella: "Hey, what if the voice calls while you're gone?"
Ray Kinsella: "Take a message."

The Voice: "If you build it, he will come."

Ray Kinsella: "This is my corn. You people are guests in my corn."

Terrance Mann to Ray: "You're seeing a whole 'team' of psychiatrists, aren't you?"

Shoeless Joe Jackson: "Is this heaven?"
Ray Kinsella: "No, it's Iowa."

Shoeless Joe: "It was you. It was always you."

A Few Good Men

2009-02-24T22:57:00.001-08:00

Lieutenant Kaffee: "Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?"

Daniel Kaffee: "And don't wear that perfume in court, it wrecks my concentration."
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "Really!"
Daniel Kaffee: "I was talking to Sam."

Daniel Kaffee: "Maybe if we work at it we can get Dawson charged with Kennedy assassination."

Galloway: "Why do you hate them so much?"
Weinberg: "They beat up a weakling, that's all they did. The rest is just smoke filled coffeehouse crap."

Kaffee: "You dont need a patch on your arm to have honor."

Sam Weinberg: "You've heard her. My daughter said a word. She said 'pa'."
Daniel Kaffee: "She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam."
Sam Weinberg: "That's right. She pointed to the mailbox and said 'pa, look, a mailbox."

Kaffee: "You ever talk to a client of mine without premission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?"
Galloway: "I had authorization."
Kaffee: "From who?"
Galloway: "Ginny Miller. Louden's aunt on his mother's side."
Kaffee: "You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?"
Galloway: "It's perfectly within my boundaries."
Kaffee: "Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? Maybe we could hold the trial there. I'll sew the costumes and maybe Uncle Goober can be the judge."

Lt. Weinberg: "Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months."
Kaffee: "One more and I get a set of steak knives."

Kaffee: "You think I can't subpoena Markinson?"
Ross: "You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 22 years in the Marines? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson."

Sam Weinberg: ""I strenuously object?" Is that how it's done? Hm? "Objection, your Honor!" "Overruled" "No, no. I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh! You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider.""

Daniel Kaffee: "You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld! It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So don't tell me what I know, or don't know! I know the LAW!"

Daniel Kaffee: "Oh, spare me the psycho babble father bullshit!"

Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "I was wondering how you'd feel about my taking you to dinner."
Daniel Kaffee: "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: "No!"
Daniel Kaffee: "I've been asked out on dates before, and that's what it sounded like."

Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.

Galloway: "It's my opinion that if this case is handled in the same slick-ass, Persian bazaar, fast food manner with which you seem to handle everything else, it's my opinion that something would be missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I let Dawson and Downey spent any more time in prison than absolutely necessary because their lawyer had predetermined the path of least resistance."
Kaffee: "Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander."

Kaffee: "Colonel Jessup, did you order the Code Red?"
Sam: "Listen, I..."
Kaffee: "AAAAA. I'm sorry, you're time's run out, what do we have for the losers judge? Well for our defendants, it's a lifetime in exotic Fort Leavenworth. And for defense counsel Kaffee... that's right... it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maintenance at the Rocko Club School for Women. Thank you for playing "should or should we not, follow the advice of the galactically stupid?""

Col. Jessup: "So how is your dad, Danny?"
Kaffee: "He passed away seven years ago, sir."
Col. Jessup: "Don't I feel like the fucking asshole?"
Kaffee: "Not at all sir."

Kaffee: "Whoa! Hold it! We gotta take a boat?"
Barnes: "Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay."
Kaffee: "Nobody said anything about a boat."
Barnes: "Is there a problem, sir?"
Kaffee: "No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all."
Galloway: "Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud."

Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "What are we going to discuss next? My favorite color?!"

Kaffee: "I don't like flying because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine is going to help."
Weinberg: "Try some oregano. I hear that works pretty good."

Kaffee: "I figured since we were out of witnesses, I might as well drink a little."
Galloway: "We can still win this."
Kaffee: "Maybe you should drink a little."

Daniel Kaffee: "Thank you for playing, "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid.""

Daniel Kaffee: "Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law at law school."

Col. Nathan Jessup: "Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

Daniel Kaffee: "Lt. Kendrick, may I call you John?"

Lt. Kendrick: "No, you may not."
Daniel Kaffee: "Have I done something to offend you?"
Lt. Kendrick: "No, I like all you Navy boys. Everytime we gotta go some place to fight, you fellas always give us a ride."

Colonel Jessup: "If you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, you're just letting an opportunity pass you by."

Col. Nathan Jessup: "Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy."

Col. Nathan Jessup: "I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yard from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous."

Col. Nathan Jessup: "We follow orders son. We follow orders, or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?"

Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You want answers?"
Daniel Kaffee: "I think I'm entitled."
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You want answers?"
Daniel Kaffee: "I want the truth!"
Col. Nathan R. Jessup: "You can't handle the truth!"

Ferris Bueler's Day Off

2009-02-24T22:56:00.001-08:00

[After faking out his parents.]
Ferris: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.

Cameron: I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.

Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sloan: College.
Cameron: Yeah, but to do what?
Sloan: What are you interested in?
Cameron: Nothing!
Sloan: Me neither!
Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY!
Sloan: What do you think Ferris is gonna do?
Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook on Venus!

Ferris: Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.

[Cameron doesn't want to go out, but Ferris keeps calling.]
Cameron: He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guily. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What-- I'LL GO. Shit.

Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's you brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.

[A baseball game is on television.]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' to nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.

Ferris Bueller: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.

Cameron: You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And, and, and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

Ferris: If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend.
Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade.

Jeannie: [thinking to herself] Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special? [spoken] Screw him.

Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone? ...the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered? ...raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.

Ed Roonie: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"

Cameron: Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.

Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English?
Ethnic Parking Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is?

Sloan: The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron: I think I see my dad.

Ferris: A) You can never go too far and B) if I'm going to get caught, it's not going to be by a guy like that.

Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.

Ferris Bueller: Cameron's house is like a museum. It's very cold, and very beautiful, and you're not allowed to touch anything.

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

Snooty Maitre D': You're Abe Froman?
Ferris: That's right. I'm Abe Froman.
Snooty Maitre D': The sausage king of Chicago?
Ferris: [brief hesitation] Yeah. That's me.

Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.
Sloan: Great.

Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone
Simone: No problem whatsoever.

Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Sloan: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris: If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.

Jeannie Bueller: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen.

Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie Bueller: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie Bueller: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

Jeannie Bueller: I don't believe this. If I was bleeding out my eyes, you guys would make me go to school.

Ferris Bueller: I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. That still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me". A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Ferris Bueller: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion.
Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

Garage Attendant: You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional.
Cameron: A professional what?

Ferris Bueller: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.

Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the jig is up. Your ass is mine.

Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill / Headache, fever, and a chill / I came to help restore your pluck / 'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to -

Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any farther than I can throw him.
Grace: With your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody.
Ed Rooney: What's so terrible about a kid like Ferris is he gives good kids bad ideas. Last thing I need in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: He makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.

[Calling her mother's office.]
Jeannie: Katie Bueller please. [pause] Do know where she went? [pause] Well, do you know when she will be back? [pause] Do you know anything? [slams down receiver]

[Calling the police about an intruder.]
Jeannie: I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, alright? [pause] Speak any English? [slams down receiver] DICKHEAD!

Maitre D': I weep for the future.

[On the phone]
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: Are you aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendace record?
Katie Bueller: Uh, no.
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously.
Katie Bueller: Well, this is all news to me.
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie Bueller: Nine times?
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: Nine times.
Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie Bueller: I can't believe it.
Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days --
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen.]
Ferris Bueller: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Ferris Bueller: Cameron has never been in love -- at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her.

The Faculty

2009-02-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

Stokely: I'm not sticking that hack-drug up my nose. It's so 80s.
Zeke: Aliens are taking over the world. Weigh it.

Delilah: Casey, when did you become Sigourny Weaver?

Coach Willis: You're not much into sports.
Casey Connor: I feel that a person should run only when he's being chased.

Casey: Everyone's been acting really weird, especially the faculty.
Stokely: Tell me about it, it's like they've all turned into fucking pod people or something.
Casey: Into what people?
Stokely: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens. ...That was a joke.

Casey: You're not buying this, are you?
Stokely: No, I'm not... but it's kinda cool.

Delilah: Are you hitting on me, Casey?
Casey: No, I was just saying you can be pretty cool sometimes, this not being one of them.

Stokely: I used to think the only alien in this high school was me.

Zeke: What are we going to do?
Stan: I could call my dad, he'd know what to do.
Casey: If he's really your dad.
Stan: You're right.

Stokely: Body snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library.
Casey: Yeah, so is Schinder's List.

Zeke: This where I get my equipment.
Marybeth: You borrow it from science labs?
Zeke: I like to think of it as stealing actually.

Delilah Proffitt: Then leave Stan. Why are you hanging around? Go and pulitzer.
Stan: Oh blow me Delilah, 'cause i'm sick of your shit.
Delilah Proffitt: Go and get the fuck out of here and take your little freak-dyke with you.
Stokely: Fuck you titbags.

Marybeth: What happens at the end of all those stories? How does Invasion of the Body Snatchers end?
Stokely: They get us. They win. We lose.
Marybeth: Maybe we really win, I mean Stan didn't look unhappy.
Stokely: That's because that wasn't Stan, they took away who he was.
Marybeth: Maybe they just bettered who he was. Cleared away his confusion. I know you pride yourself on being the outsider, but aren't you tired of pretending to be something you're not? I know I am.

Stokely: Is this usually the point where someone says let's get the fuck outta here?
Stan: Let's get the fuck outta here.

Stokely: So they've just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.'s and their Men In Black movies, just so noone would believe it if it ever happened.
Casey: I think so.

Ms. Burke: I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little wonder dust again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you're going to be sucking my toes 'til graduation.

Casey Connor: It must really blow being you.
Stan: You have no idea.

Casey Conor: You can be such a...
Delilah Proffitt: What?
Casey Connor: Pretty cool human being when you aren't being a first class grade A bitch.

Stokely: Bi-polar bitch.

[Stokely kisses Stan]
Stokely: I just didn't want to never have done that.

Face/Off

2009-02-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

Castor Troy: "Watch your fucking mouth."

(After waking from his coma and watching a video of his surgery.)
Castor Troy: "Hello, Doctor. I hope you don't mind: I took a few of your groovy painkillers. I'm just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. Oh God, this is excellent. Oh, bravo. Bra-fucking-vo."

Castor Troy: "Well, I've gotta go. I've got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck"

Castor Troy: "Isn't this religious, ah yes. The eternal struggle between good and evil, saint and sinners... but you are still not having fun!"

Sean Archer: "I want to take his face... off. Eyes, nose, skin, teeth. It's coming off!"

Castor Troy: "Lies, deceit, mixed messages... this is turning into a real marriage."

Castor Troy: "You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag."

Erin Brokovich

2009-02-24T22:53:00.002-08:00

Female Lawyer: I think we got off to the wrong foot.
Erin Brokovich: That's all you got lady, two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes.

Theresa Dallavale: Okay, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here --
Erin Brockovich: That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet. In fucking ugly shoes.

Erin Brockovich: Bite my ass, Krispy Kreme!

Erin Brockovich: For the first time in my life, I got people respecting me. Please, don't ask me to give it up.

Erin Brockovich: Did they teach you how to apologize at lawyer school? 'Cause you suck at it.

Ed Masry: So what makes you think you can just walk in there and take whatever you want?
Erin Brockovich: They're called boobs, Ed.

Kurt Potter: Wha... how did you do this?
Erin Brockovich: Well, um, seeing as how I have no brains or legal expertise, and Ed here was losing all faith in the system, am I right?
Ed Masry: Oh, yeah, completely. No faith, no faith...
Erin Brockovich: I just went out there and performed sexual favors. Six hundred and thirty-four blow jobs in five days... I'm really quite tired.

Erin Brockovich: Are you going to be something else that I have to survive? Because I don't think I can handle it.

Erin Brockovich: Not personal! That is my work, my sweat, and my time away from my kids! If that is not personal, I don't know what is!

Ed Masry: Do they teach beauty queens how to apologize? Because you suck at it!

Erin Brockovich: These people don't dream about being rich. They dream about being able to watch their kids swim in a pool without worrying that they'll have to have a hysterectomy at the age of *twenty*. Like Rosa Diaz, a client of ours. Or have their spine deteriorate, like Stan Blume, *another* client of ours. So before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr. Walker. Or what you might expect someone to pay you for your uterus, Ms. Sanchez. Then you take out your calculator and you multiply that number by a hundred. Anything less than that is a waste of our time. [Ms. Sanchez picks up a glass of water.] By the way, we had that water brought in especially for you folks. Came from a well in Hinkley.

George: How many numbers you got?
Erin Brockovich: Oh, I got numbers comin' outta my ears. For instance: ten.
George: Ten?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is.
George: You got a little girl?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How 'bout this for a number? Six. That's how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I've been married -- and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.

Ed Masry: In a law firm you may want to re-think your wardrobe a little.
Erin Brockovich: Well as long as I have one ass instead of two I'll wear what I like if that's alright with you? You might want to re-think those ties.

Enemy of the State

2009-02-24T22:53:00.001-08:00

Robert Clayton Dean: What the hell is happening?
Brill: I blew up the building.
Robert Clayton Dean: Why?!
Brill: Because you made a phone call!

[Watching surveillance tape.]
Brill: I think you're a little young to watch this part.
Robert Clayton Dean: Yeah, so's she.

Brill: What? That's my best aloha shirt.
Robert Clayton Dean: Yeah, well say "aloha" to it.

Fiedler: Rachel F., for you-know-what, Banks. God, would I love to have her ruin my life.

Fiedler: PLEASE let me follow the nanny. She doesn't shave her legs. Women like that are so... HOT!

Robert Clayton Dean: Actually, I believe the term "shyster" is reserved for attorneys of the Jewish persuasion. I believe the proper term for me is "eggplant."

Robert Clayton Dean: You're the only woman for me. You and Janet Jackson.

Robert Clayton Dean: Whay are they after me?
Brill: You have something they want.
Robert Clayton Dean: I don't have anything!
Brill: Maybe you do and you don't know it.

Zavitz: Fuck a duck.

Brill: If you live another day, I'll be very impressed!

David Pratt: We believe Mr. Zavitz may have passed sensitive materials to you.
Robert Clayton Dean: What sort of materials?
David Pratt: Sensitive, sir.

Empire Records

2009-02-24T22:52:00.000-08:00

Warren: Who glued these quarter's down?
AJ: I did
Warren: What the hell for man!?
AJ: I don't feel I need to explain my art to you Warren

Joe: Lucas, Are you in some sort of trouble? Because every minute that goes by, and I don't report you, I look like a bigger banana-head.
Lucas: Joe, I can catagorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head

Lucas: Warren, look what you took: rap, metal, rap, metal, Whitney Houston?
Warren: It's for my girl-friend
Lucas: Sure it is. Warren, you should listen to music to diminish your criminal impulses, not magnify them .....maybe some jazz or some classical?
Warren: Maybe you bite me

Eddie:Do you know where harvard is man?
AJ: it's near boston
Eddie: no it's a whole different world filled with guys who row boats and eat ivy.

Gina to Debra, after Debra has shaved hair hair off. "Sinead O'Rebellion, shock me ,shock me ,shock me ,with that devious behaviour"

(Wearing nothing but a MusicTown apron)
Gina: "Welcome to MusicTown, may I service you?"

Damn the man, save the empire!

Debra: "I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn't on the guest list."

Warren: "Why don't you take these CD's and shove them up your ass?"
Lucas: "Becasue it would hurt a lot, Warren."

Mitch: "Why do I get the feeling that I'm being royally screwed?"
Joe: "Because you are, Mitch."

(Lucas has just gambled away all Joe's money.)
Lucas: "I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this."

"I do not regret the things I've done, only those i did not do"

Joe: "Where's the money, Lucas?"
Lucas: "Joe, the money is gone."
Joe: "I know it's GONE, where's it gone to?"
Lucas: "Atlantic City."
Joe: "Atlantic City?"
Lucas: "Yeah."
Joe: "What's it DOING in Atlantic City?"
Lucas: "Recirculating!"

Edward Scissorhands

2009-02-24T22:51:00.002-08:00

Kim Boggs: "Hold me."
Edward Scissorhands: "I can't."

Jim: Forget about holding her hand, man. Think about the damage he could do other places.

Kim Boggs: Before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. I don't think it would be snowing now if he weren't still up there. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.

Esmerelda: Have you sheep strayed so far from the flock?!
Edward: We're not sheep.

Bill Boggs"You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."

Dude, Where's My Car?

2009-02-24T22:51:00.001-08:00

Jesse Montgomery III: Who's "Joe Potsmoker"?
Chester: Oh, that's my alter-ego.
Jesse Montgomery III: Wait, I thought that was MY alter-ego.
Chester: No, you're "Smokey McPott."

Jesse Montgomery III: Dude, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?
Jesse Montgomery III: DUDE, where's my car?
Chester: Where's your car dude?

Jesse Montgomery III: Have you seen my car?
Christie Boner: Yeah.
Jesse Montgomery III: You have?
Christie Boner: Well, I saw the backseat.
Jesse Montgomery III: No, I'm talking about the whole thing.

Chester: So is this dude. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency.

Jesse: $500,000?!

Hot Chicks: We are not guys, we are extremly hot chicks with large breasts.

Jesse: Screw the universe!
Nordic Dudes: Screw the universe?

Nordic Dudes: Stop copying us.
Hot Chick: Stop copying us.
Nordic Dudes: Stop copying us.
Hot Chick: Stop copying us.
Nordic Dude: Beach!

Chester: I think this is it, dude.
Jesse: Thank you captain obvious!

Jesse: Stupid llamas!

Mark: Tell me about it I used to model!

Mark: I've been here 3 year 8 months and 18 days, but who's counting?

Piere: In France, when a man is caught poaching ostrages we shave his head and make him run through the fields.
Mark: Oh god, that's the good part!

Donnie Brasco

2009-02-24T22:50:00.000-08:00

FBI Technician: What's "forget about it"?
Donnie Brasco: "Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass, forget about it." But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, "forget about it." But it's also like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.

Lefty: I never hear from my boss until he dies, then my whole life gets turned upside down!

Donnie Brasco: If I come out alive, this guy, Lefty, ends up dead. That's the same thing as me putting the bullet in his head myself.

Lefty: When they send for you, you go in alive, you come out dead, and it's your best friend that does it.

Lefty: How much money did you give that guy? A wiseguy never pays for his drinks.

Nicky: C'mon Donnie, let's fillet this fat fuck.

Lefty Ruggiero: Thirty years I'm busting my hump. What have I got?

Lefty: I'm a spoke on a wheel. I am, and so are you.

Joe Pistone: All my life I've tried to be the good guy, the guy in the white fucking hat. And for what? For nothing. I'm not becoming like them; I am them.

Dogma

2009-02-24T22:49:00.001-08:00

Jay: If you know so much, tell me something about myself.
Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone else on the planet.
Jay: Shit, everyone knows that. Tell me something else.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
[Silent Bob starts to look freaked out.]
Jay: [to Bob] Dude, not ALL the time!

Metatron: Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.

Metatron: Wax on, wax off.

Metatron: Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. And no one's even asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey.
Bethany: New ]ersey.
Metatron: Sure. Go to New Jersey and visit a small church on a very important day. Agreed?
Bethany: That doesn't sound like a crusade.
Metatron: Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany: What's the fine print?
Metatron: [mumbling into glass] Stopacoupleofangelsfromenteringandthusnegatingallexistence. Damn, this is good tequila.
Bethany: Wait, wait, wait. Repeat that.
Metatron: "Damn, this is good tequila"?
Bethany: The first part.
Metatron: Details. Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. God, I hate when people need it spelled out for them.

Loki--"Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!"
Bartleby--"You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus."

Loki--"Consequences, shmonsequences!!"

Azrael--"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater.....than central air."

Rufus (talking about Jesus)--"Knew Him? Shit, nigga owes me twelve bucks!"

Bethany: What's he like? God?
Metatron: Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor.

Metatron: However, if you should decide to stop being selfish and accept your responsibility, you won't be alone. You'll have support.
Bethany: What, more angels?
Metatron: Prophets. Although they don't quite get it yet. You'll know them right away: one speaks, the other listens. The one who speaks -- and he will, at great lengths, whether you want him to or not -- will make mention of himself as a prophet. The other one won't say anything, but he'll be helpful just the same.

Bethany: Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?

Jay: See, all these movies take place in a town called Shermer, in Illinois. And there's all this fine bush running around, and we could kick all the dude's asses because they're all whiney pussies. Except Judd Nelson - he was harsh. But best of all, there was no one selling weed. So I says to Silent Bob "Man, we could live phat if we were the blunt-connection in Shermer, Illinois!" So we collected some cash we were owed, and caught a bus. But when we got here, you know what we found out? There is no Shermer in Illinois. What kind of shit is that?! Fucking movies are bullshit!

Jay: I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.

Rufus: You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower.
Jay: I can't wait to die.

Serendipity: Can you believe it? Me -- a muse, for God's sake! I sit down in front of the typewriter, and what do I get? Nothing. Blank page. I can't even write a grocery list.
Bethany: What about what you did with Jay and Silent Bob? You inspired them.
Serendipity: That's the cosmic joke. I can give out a zillion and nine ideas a second, but I can't keep any for myself. Her quirky sense of humor.

Loki: I love fucking with the clergy.

[To shocked passenger, after throwing Bartleby off the train]
Silent Bob: No ticket!

Metatron: You people! If it hasn't been made into a movie, it's not worth knowing about, is that it?

Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out.

Loki: Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.

Bartleby: Our last two days on Earth. If I had a dick I'd go get laid.
Loki: Well, let's do the next best thing.
Bartleby: What's that?
Loki: Let's kill people.

Serendipity: I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.

Jay: The whole fucking world's against us, I swear to God.

Bethany Sloane: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.

[Bethany decides to accompany Jay and Silent Bob to New Jersey]
Bethany Sloane: I want to go with you.
Jay: What, steady? ...OK, but you pay the rent and Silent Bob has to live with us.

[Jay drives Bethany's car; the motor shrieks]
Bethany Sloane: What gear are you in?
Jay: "Gear"?

[About Christ.]
Rufus, the 13th Apostle: What He really hates is the shit that gets carried out in his name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism.

>

Loki: Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.

Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it. I just love to keep those guys on their toes.

Bartleby: This from the guy who still owes me ten dollars from a bet over which was going to be the bigger movie, E.T. or Krush Groove.
Loki: Hey, fuck you man, because time's going to tell on that one.

Serendipity: Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.

Bethany Sloane: You were martyred?
Rufus, the 13th Apostle: That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by a huge fucking rock.

Jay: So what's up? You got a friend for Silent Bob, or are you just gonna do us both? If so, I'm first. I hate sloppy seconds.
Bethany Sloane: You're a man of principle.

Bethany Sloane: May I ask what brought you here?
Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes.
Bethany Sloane: "Sixteen Candles" John Hughes?
Jay: You know that guy, too? That fuckin' guy. He made this flick "Sixteen Candles." Not bad. There's tits in it, but no bush, but Ebert over here don't give a shit about that kind of thing 'cause he's, like, all in love with this John Hughes guy. He goes out and rents, like, every one of his movies. Fuckin' "Breakfast Club," where all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fuckin' "Weird Science," where this chick wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no, she don't 'cause it's a PG movie. And then, "Pretty in Pink," which I can't even watch with this tubby bitch anymore, 'cause every time we get to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit. And there's nothing worse than watchin' a fuckin' fat man weep.

Metatron: You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar!

Gun Salesman: We call this next item "The Fecalator." One look at it, and the target shits his or her pants.

Dirty Harry

2009-02-24T22:48:00.002-08:00

[After a battered crook has accused Harry of beating him]
Chief: Have you been following that man?
Harry Callahan: Yeah, I've been following him on my own time. And anybody can tell I didn't do that to him.
Chief: How?
Harry Callahan: Cause he looks too damn good, that's how!

Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

[Harry is getting a dressing-down for his most recent arrest]
District Attorney Rothko: You're lucky I'm not indicting you for assault with intent to commit murder.
Harry Callahan: What?
District Attorney Rothko: Where does it say that you have the right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel? Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? Why surely you've heard of the Fourth Amendment? What I'm saying is that man had rights.
Harry Callahan: Well, I'm all broken up over that man's rights!

[Harry Callahan has to explain why he shot a man]
Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy.
The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that?
Harry Callahan: When a man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!

The Mayor: Well let's have it.
Harry Callahan: Have what?
The Mayor: A report! What have you been doing?
Harry Callahan: Well, for the past three quarters of an hour I've been sitting on my ass in your outer office waiting on you!

Harry Callahan: You know, you're crazy if you think you've heard the last of this guy. He's gonna kill again.
District Attorney Rothko: How do you know?
Harry Callahan: 'Cause he likes it.

De Georgio: Harry hates everybody. Limeys, Niks, Hebs, Fat Dagos, Niggers, Honkies, Chinks, you name it. Gonzales: How does he feel about Mexicans?
De Georgio: Ask him.
Harry Callahan: Especially Spics.

Dirty Dancing

2009-02-24T22:48:00.001-08:00

Max Kellerman: "I want you girls to know, that if it weren't for this man here, I'd be standing here dead."

Johnny Castle: "You just put your pickle on everybody's plate college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me."

Robbie: "Some people count, and some people don't."

Johnny: Nobody puts baby in a corner.

Penny: "Go back to your playpen, Baby."

Johnny: "I've never known anybody like you, Baby. You look at the world and you think you can make it better. If somebody's lost, you find them. If somebody's bleedin'..."
Baby: "Yeah, I go get my daddy. That's really brave. Like you said."
Johnny: "That took a lot of guts to go to him. You are not scared of anything..."
Baby: "Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. And most of all... I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I'm with you."

Die Hard: With a Vengeance

2009-02-24T22:47:00.002-08:00

Simon: As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, each cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks, wives, how many were going to St. Ives?

John McClane: Look I fail you cover my ass. You fail I cover your ass!
Zeus: And if we both fail?
John McClane: Then were both fucked!

McClane: I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me because you're a racist!
Zeus: What?!
McClane: You're a racist! You don't like me because I'm white!
Zeus: I don't like you because you're going to get me *killed*!

Zeus: Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon: There's a difference between not liking and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot throws him from a 30-story building.

John McClane: Thanks a lot, Jesus.
Zeus: Why the hell do you keep calling me Jesus? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: That guy back there, he called you Jesus.
Zeus: No, he didn't, he said "Hey, Zeus." My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus. You know, Mount Olympus, father of Apollo, don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass, Zeus! You got a problem with that?

Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No, no riddle, no fancy code, nothing.

Zeus Carver: You famous in L.A. or something?
John McClane: Yeah, for about five minutes.
Zeus Carver: Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?

[McClane hands Zeus a gun]
John McClane: You know how to fire one of these?
Zeus Carver: No.
John McClane: No?!
Zeus Carver: Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker.

[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]
Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?
McClane: No. [Pauses] Well, maybe that mime.

FBI agent: Have you been followed at all during the last few days? Any suspicious phone calls? Any kind of surveillance at all? Anything?
John McClane: Well, now that you mention it, I have, sort of, been feeling this burning sensation between my toes.

Simon Peter Gruber: You just interfered with a very well laid plan.
Zeus: Well, you can stick that well laid plan in your well laid ass.

[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]
John McClane: Relax, I know what I'm doing.
Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing, McClane.

Inspector Cobb: Simon, I can appreciate your feelings for McClane. But believe me, the jerk isn't worth it. He's stepped on so many toes in this department, by next month he's gonna be a security guard. His own wife wants nothing to do with him, and he's about two steps to becoming a full-blown alcoholic.

Zeus Carver: Now, where are you goin'?
Raymond: To school.
Zeus Carver: Why?
Dexter: To get educated.
Zeus Carver: Why?
Raymond: So we can go to college.
Zeus Carver: And why is that important?
Raymond: To get a-spected.
Zeus Carver: RE-spect. Now who are the bad guys?
Raymond: Guys who sell drugs.
Dexter: Guys who have guns.
Zeus Carver: And who are the good guys?
Raymond: We're the good guys.
Zeus Carver: So who's gonna help us?
Dexter: Nobody.
Zeus Carver: So who's gonna help us?
Raymond: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus Carver: And who do we not want to help us?
Dexter, Raymond: White people.

Die Hard

2009-02-24T22:47:00.001-08:00

[McClane's seatmate notices his nervousness.]
Businessman: Wanna know the secret to surviving air travel? After you get where you're going, take off your shoes and your socks, and you walk around on the rug barefoot and make fists with your toes.
Detective John McClane: Fists with your toes?
Businessman: [chuckles] I know, I know, it sounds crazy. Trust me. I've been doing it for nine years.

Harry Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash!

Theo: Oh my God, the quarterback is toast.

Detective John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn't realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
Joseph Takagi: Hey, we're flexible. Pearl Harbor didn't work out so we got you with tape decks.

Joseph Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?
Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?

[McClane watches fire trucks approach the building]
Detective John McClane: C'mon baby, come ta' papa, I'll kiss ya' fuckin' Dalmatian!

[Stealing the dead terrorist's shoes.]
Detective John McClane: A hundred million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

[McClane tries to call up police]
Supervisor: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...
Detective John McClane: No fucking shit, lady! Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?

[Reading what McClane wrote on the dead terrorist's shirt.]
Hans Gruber: "Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

[Hans' radio turns on]
Hans Gruber: I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further--
Detective John McClane: Ooooh, I'm very sorry Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should've put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I've waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I decided to give you a call.
Hans Gruber: Eh, that's... very kind of you, considering you are a mysterious party crasher. You are most troublesome, for a security guard.
Detective John McClane: Bzzzt! Sorry Hans, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change? [Indicating cigarettes in dead man's pocket] Whoa, these are very bad for you.
Hans Gruber: Who are you then?
Detective John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.

[On the radio.]
Hans Gruber: Mister Mystery Guest? Are you still there?
Detective John McClane: Yeah, I'm still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.
Hans Gruber: Uh, no I'm afraid not. But you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshall Dillon?
Detective John McClane: Was always kinda' partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really dig those sequined shirts.
Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mister Cowboy?
Detective John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

Hans Gruber: "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education.

Dwayne T. Robinson: We don't know shit, Powell. If there's hostages in there, how come no one's come to us with ransom demands? If there's terrorists in there, where's their list of demands? All we know is that whoever shot your car up is probably the same silly sonofabitch you've been talking to on that radio.
Sergeant Al Powell: Excuse me sir! But what about the body that fell out the window?
Dwayne T. Robinson: Well who knows? Maybe some stockbroker, got depressed.

[About McClane.]
Sergeant Al Powell: In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.
Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sergeant Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!

Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

Detective John McClane: [recalls his wife's invitation] Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs...

Detective John McClane: Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed!

Agent Johnson: I'm Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.

Hans Gruber: This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
Detective John McClane: That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

Agent Johnson: Figure we take out the terrorists. Lose twenty, twenty-five percent of the hostages.
Special Agent Johnson: I can live with that.

Holly Gennero McClane: After all your posturing, all your speeches, you're nothing but a common thief.
Hans Gruber: I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.

Dwayne T. Robinson: We're gonna need some more FBI guys I guess.

[In a small air duct]
Detective John McClane: Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.

[Powell with an armload of Twinkies]
Cashier: I thought you guys just ate doughnuts.
Sergeant Al Powell: Heh. They're for my wife.
Cashier: [sarcastically] Yeah.
Sergeant Al Powell: She's pregnant.
Cashier: Yeah.
Sergeant Al Powell: Bag it.
Cashier: Big time.

Hans Gruber: What idiot put you in charge?
Holly Gennero McClane: You did. When you murdered my boss.

Dead Man on Campus

2009-02-24T22:46:00.002-08:00

Cliff: I live in a Frat House, right? And these fuckers wanna kick me out for not observing quiet hour! [shouting] Well, they can SUCK my QUIET COCK!

Cliff: [rapping] My name is Cliff, brother of Joe. I got me some crack. I want me some hoes!

Cliff: They hate it when you do this.
[shoots gun at cops]

Cooper: You can't sing show tunes and be depressed!

Cliff: Come on man! Just kick me in the junk!

Cliff: Do you guys ever get really horny?
Cooper Frederickson: Depends where you're going with this.

Cliff: I really shouldn't be driving, I have a suspended license.
Cooper Frederickson: Really? For what?
Cliff: Attempted vehicular manslaughter... whatever the FUCK that means!

Cooper Frederickson: Young man! Where have you been? I was up all night worried sick. Do you know what time it is?
Josh Miller: I LOVE college. I love everything about it. The people, the freedom. This room. This chair. Look at this chair!
Cooper Frederickson: You had sex last night didn't you?
Josh Miller: That's a nice shirt.

Cooper Frederickson: I can hear my heartbeat through my penis!

Zeke: This is my brother's Ritalin. Ritalin's good for studying math or science, just don't try to write English papers on it or it won't make any sense. Enjoy that.

Dazed and Confused

2009-02-24T22:46:00.001-08:00

Mike: I'm just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope.

Simone: I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors Now fry like bacon you little freshman piggies. FRY!

Wooderson: Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, alright. We got 411 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper Edelbrock intakes, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin' muscle.

Pickford: Slater-san, how's it goin'?
Slater: Fixin' to be a lot better, man!

Dawson: Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did it the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place. Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.

Jodi: What is this, social hour? I'm supposed to be being a bitch.

Cynthia: I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor, insignificant preamble to somethin' else.

Tony: So, you're not gonna go to law school? What do you wanna do then?
Mike: I wanna dance.

Dawson: Vicki! Come on, let's skip out and go get naked! Come on let's go!

Mike: It's what everybody in this car needs is some good ol' worthwhile visceral experience.

Tony: NeoMcCarthyism, I like that.

Darla: Lick me, all of you.

Slater: Imagine how many people out there are fuckin', just goin' at it.

Slater: George Washington was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens man!

Slater: Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man when he come in the door, man she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.

Slater: This place used to be off limits man 'cause some drunk freshman fell right down the middle smacking his head on every beam man. Autopsy said he only had one beer, how many did you have?
Mitch: Four.
Slater: You're dead man, you're so dead.

Darla: What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.

Pink: Don, have you ever thought about why we play football? How many times have you gotten laid strictly because you're a football player?
Don: I don't know. A few, I guess.

Wooderson: The older you get the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin man! L-I-V-I-N!

Slater: Didja ever look at a dollar bill man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too!

Freshman Girl: Will you marry me?
Dawson: I don't know. What's in it for me?
Freshman Girl: Anything you want?
Dawson: Anything?
Freshman Girl: Anything.
Dawson: Go like this. Do you spit or swallow?
Freshman Girl: Whatever you like.
Dawson: Whatever I like? I would definitely marry you!

Wooderson: Say, man, you got a joint?
Mitch: No, not on me man.
Wooderson: It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

Wooderson: That's what I like about these high school girls, I keep getting older, they stay the same age.

Tony: So there I am, getting it on with this perfect female body and...
Mike: What?
Tony: I can't, I'm too embarrassed.
Mike: No, you can't give a set up like that and not follow it through.
Tony: Well, it had the head of Abraham Lincoln. Top hat, beard, everything.

Dawson: You know that Julie girl? Loves you. You want her? Gotta play it cool, you know. Like, if she asks you if you want a ride, you say, "No, I've got my own ride, but maybe I'll see you there." Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It works.

Jodi: Are we having social hour over here? I'm supposed to be being a bitch.

Cruel Intentions

2009-02-24T22:45:00.002-08:00

Kathryn: Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep that way.

Annette: People shouldn't experience the act of love until they are in love.

Sebastian: Why can't we be together?
Annette: You wanna know why? Because I don't trust myself with you.

Kathryn: Don Juan is moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler.

Sebastian: We've done some pretty fucked up shit in our time but this...I mean, we're destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that?

Cecile Caldwell: This doesn't taste like a regular iced tea.
Sebastian: It's from Long Island.

Kathryn: I think that I'll go and take my new car for a ride.
Sebastian: No, the only thing you'll be riding is me.

Sebastian: E-mail is for geeks and pedophiles.

Kathryn: If I win, then that hot little car of your's is mine.
Sebastian: And if I win?
Kathryn: I'll give you something you've been obsessing about ever since our parents got married.
Sebastian: Could you be a little more specific?
Kathryn: In English I'll fuck your brains out.

Kathryn: Introduce her to your world of sex, drugs and... what else do you do?

Sebastian: You could be a model. It's too bad you're not sexy.

Blaine: The only reason I let him keep up this charade is because the man has a mouth like a Hoover.

Mrs. Sugarman: Oh, did I ever tell you the time, when my late husband sent me--
Sebastian: Yes, you already did, Mrs. Sugarman.
Mrs. Sugarman: Oh, I did?
Sebastian: Right after we played backgammon, Mrs. Sugarman.
Mrs. Sugarman: Oh! We played backgammon?
Sebastian: Uh huh. You beat me three times.
Mrs. Sugarman: I did?
Sebastian: Yup. Then I fucked your daughter.
Mrs. Sugarman: Excuse me?
Sebastian: I said, would you care for some water?
Mrs. Sugarman: No, thank you.

Kathryn Merteuil: Fuck her yet?
Sebastian Valmont: Working on it.
Kathryn Merteuil: Loser.
Sebastian Valmont: Blow me.
Kathryn Merteuil: Call me later?

[Cecile returns home in the morning with her clothes rumpled and hair disheveled.]
Bunny Caldwell: Jesus Christ, where have you been?
Cecile Caldwell: Shopping.

Marci Greenbaum: Would you cut the psychobabble bullshit, Mom? There's pictures of me on the Internet.
Dr. Greenbaum: What kind of pictures?
Marci Greenbaum: Nudie pictures! What do you think?
Dr. Greenbaum: JESUS! How could you be so stupid?

[Kathryn gives Cecile a slight kiss on the mouth]
Kathryn Merteuil: OK, this time I'm going to stick my tongue into your mouth.

Sebastian Valmont: That's a 1956 Jaguar Roadster. What makes you think I'll go for that bet?
Kathryn Merteuil: Because I'm the only girl you can't have and it kills you.
Sebastian Valmont: No thanks.
Kathryn Merteuil: You can put it anywhere.
Sebastian Valmont: You got yourself a deal baby.

Kathryn Merteuil: The parental units called today.
Sebastian Valmont: How IS your gold-digging whore of a mother?
Kathryn Merteuil: She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.

Sebastian Valmont: I read your manifesto.
Annette Hargrove: You did?
Sebastian Valmont: I must say, I found it rather... appalling.
Annette Hargrove: That's a first. Most people praise me for it.
Sebastian Valmont: Most people are sheep.

Kathryn Merteuil: She's quite cute, you know. Young, supple breasts, a tight, firm ass and an uncharted pootie. Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before.

Kathryn Merteuil: My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible.
Cecile Caldwell: But that would make me a slut, wouldn't it?
Kathryn Merteuil: Cecile, everybody does it; it's just that nobody talks about it.
Cecile Caldwell: So, it's like a secret society?
Kathryn Merteuil: That's one way looking at it.

Sebastian Valmont: Cecile, you know what would be super-duper sexy? If you lost all the clothes.
Cecile Caldwell: I don't think so.

Annette Hargrove: I'm impressed.
Sebastian Valmont: Well, I'm in love.

Bunny Caldwell: How dare you treat me with such disrespect! I got you off the streets and this is how you repay me?
Ronald Clifford: Got me off the streets? I- I live on 59th and Park!
Bunny Caldwell: Whatever!

Kathryn Merteuil: I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny.

Kathryn Merteuil: I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher.
Bunny Caldwell: Ronald? That's crazy!
Kathryn Merteuil: I know, she's so young and he's so...
Bunny Caldwell: Black!

Kathryn Merteuil: I wanna FUCK!
Sebastian Valmont: And I don't.

Sebastian Valmont: You AMAZE me.
Kathryn Merteuil: Eat me, Sebastian. It's okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 to be considered a lady? I am the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself. So there's your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud. Now are you in, or are you out?

Cocktail

2009-02-24T22:45:00.001-08:00

Brian: Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, you life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.

Doug: Anything else is always something better.

Uncle Pat: Most things in life, good and bad, just kinda' happen to ya'.

Doug: I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.

Doug: When you see the color of their panties, you know you've got talent. Stick with me son and I'll make you a star.

Bonnie: Don't let it end this way.
Brian: All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.

Brian: Coughlin's law: never show surprise, never lose your cool.

Brian: You're offering me a job?
Doug: Uh huh.
Brian: The waitresses hate me!
Doug: You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.

[Flanagan's advice to his unborn child:]
Brian: If Jordan gives birth to a fine Irish son / There will be Cocktails and Dreams for him one day to run / A business that will yield the financial windfall / To be franchised in every suburban shopping mall. / If a daughter arrives to bless our clan / I guess the shit will finally hit the fan / But this I shall promise thee / I'll never let her marry a guy like me. / Still if our child is the naughtiest of girls or the wildest of young men / I swear I'll be the best dad I can / And never ever get spooked again.

[Last Barman poem]
Brian: I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The 3-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweat and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.

A Clockwork Orange

2009-02-24T22:44:00.000-08:00

Alex: Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in my gulliver so I had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening.

Alex: Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?

Minister: As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear?
Alex: As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred.

Alex: Initiative comes to thems that wait.

Alex: What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence.

Alex: We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night of no small expenditure.

Alex: Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

Alex: There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim. And we sat in the Korova Milkbar, trying to make up our razudoks what to do with the evening. The Korova Milkbar sold milk-plus; milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and get you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

Alex: There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a-howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like this one was.

Alex: Well, well, well! Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!

Alex: And the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage.

Alex: It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Von.

Alex: Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid!

[Alex has just struck Dim on the legs.]
Dim: What did you do that for?
Alex: For being a bastard with no manners, you haven't a dook of an idea how to comport yourself public-wise, O my brother!
Dim: I don't like you should do what you've done and I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be.
Alex: Watch that, do watch that O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou, dost wist?
Dim: Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime. I'm not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it.
Alex: A nozh scrap anytime you say.
Dim: Doobiedoob, a bit tired maybe, best not to say more. Bedways is rightways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right-right?

[Listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony]
Alex: Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!

Alex: What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got, say, pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angels' trumpets and devils' trombones. You are invited!

Alex: So now it was to be Georgie the General, saying what we should do and what not to do, with Dim as his mindless grinning bulldog. But then I viddied that thinking is for the gloopy ones and the oomny ones use, like, inspiration and what Bog sends. For now it was lovely music that came to my aid, there was a window open with the stereo on and I viddied right at once what to do.

[Alex encounters his old friends, who are now police.]
Alex DeLarge: It's impossible! I can't believe it!
Georgie: Evidence of the ol' glassies! Nothing up our sleeves, no magic little Alex! A job for two who are now of job age! The police!e

Alex DeLarge: Hi, hi, hi there! At last we meet. Our brief govoreet through the letter-hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes?

Alex DeLarge: Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!

Frank Alexander: Food alright?
Alex DeLarge: Great sir, great!
Frank Alexander: Try the wine!

[About his wife.]
Frank Alexander: She was very badly raped, you see! We were assaulted by a gang of vicious, young, hoodlums in this house! In this very room you are sitting in now! I was left a helpless cripple, but for her the agony was too great! The doctor said it was pneumonia; because it happened some months later! During a flu epidemic! The doctors told me it was pneumonia, but I knew what it was! A VICTIM OF THE MODERN AGE! Poor, poor girl!

Alex DeLarge: The Durango '95 purred away a real horrowshow. A nice warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts!

P.R. Deltoid: I've just come from the hospital; your victim has died.
Alex DeLarge: You try to frighten me. Admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, Brother Sir.
P.R. Deltoid: It'll be your own torture. I hope to God it'll torture you to madness.

Alex DeLarge: No time for the old in-out, love, I've just come to read the meter.

Alex DeLarge: Eggiwegs! I would like... to smash them!

Alex DeLarge: You know what you can do with that watch? Stick it up your arse!

Alex DeLarge: I was cured all right.

Minister: If a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.

Alex DeLarge: It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.

Clerks

2009-02-24T22:43:00.000-08:00

Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya, nothing personal.

Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] Fuckin' dickhead.

Jay Phat Buds: What's up, baby? What's up, sluts?

Randal Graves: My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

Jay Phat Buds: I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.

Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom that just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: She said she did all the work!
Dante Hicks: Will you shut the fuck up!

Randal Graves: There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

[After losing a hockey ball from the roof.]
Dante Hicks: Are there any balls down there?
Jay Phat Buds: About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!

Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? "Best of Both Worlds"?
Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante Hicks: And you rented this?
Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.

Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.

[repeated line]
Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy!
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] Have you ever wondered how much the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
Dante Hicks: What's a jizz-mopper?
Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: I guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh, it's great. There's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kinda show?
[Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels.]
Randal Graves: They do the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. They insert things into any opening on their body - ANY opening.
Dante Hicks: Could we not talk about this right now?
Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry?
Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry, I guess we got carried away.
Customer: I don't know if sorry could make up for it, you've highly offended me.
Randal Graves: Well if you thinks that's offensive, check this out! [Shows him graphic picture from porn mag.] I think you can see her kidneys!

Low I.Q. Video Customer: Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie last year?

Randal Graves: They never rent anything good either. They always choose the most intellectually devoid stuff on the rack.

Dante Hicks: I thought I told you not to be dealing in front of the store.
Jay Phat Buds: I ain't dealin', man, what you talkin' about?
Customer: Hey, man, you got anything?
Jay Phat Buds: Yeah, man, what you want?

Customer: Are either one of these any good? [Randal ignores her.] Sir?
Randal Graves: What?
Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal Graves: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves: Nope.
Customer: [Turns around, then shows Randal the same movies] Well, what about these two?
Randal Graves: Oh, they suck.
Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal Graves: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal Graves: And, I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope WHAT feels good?
Randal Graves: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal Graves: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
[leaves]
Randal Graves: [runs to the door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!

Customer: What do you mean there's no ice! I have to drink this coffee hot?

Dante Hicks: You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie...

Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Randal Graves: People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."

Randal Graves: I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

Dante Hicks: Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm...37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?!

Dante Hicks: My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer: In a row?

Dante Hicks: Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys, that's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Dante Hicks: But you hate people.
Randal Graves: Yes, but I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?

Chewlies Gum Rep: Please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please, sell me something that will stink up my breath and my clothes and fry my lungs.

Dante Hicks: What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter.]
Woman with daughter: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
Woman with daughter: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
Woman with daughter: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Daughter: Happy Scrappy...
Woman with Daughter: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh...yeah...Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

Jay Phat Buds: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

Sanford: Hey, Dante, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.
Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everyone's gonna grab one.
Sanford: So?
Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for all these Gatorades?
Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?
Dante Hicks: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing free drinks.
Sanford: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey!
Randal Graves: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Dante Hicks: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?
Sanford: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.
Randal Graves: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade.
Sanford: Fuckin' A!
Dante Hicks: All right! Jesus! You fuckers are pushy!

Randal Graves: I could do without the customers in the video store.
Dante Hicks: Which ones?
Randal Graves: All of them.

City of Angels

2009-02-23T00:48:00.002-08:00

Susan: What good would wings be if you couldn't feel the wind on your face?

Maggie Rice: When they ask me what I liked best, I'll say it was you.

Seth: You're a good doctor, I can feel it.
Maggie: That's pretty flimsy proof.
Seth: Close your eyes... what am I doing?
Maggie: You're touching me.
Seth: How do you know?
Maggie: I can feel it!
Seth: You should learn to use that more often.

Seth: Hello Maggie! It's nice to see you again.
Maggie Rice: It's weird to see you again.
Seth: Weird is nice.

Ann: Never date a guy who knows more about your vagina than you do.

Seth: Let's go.
Maggie: Where?
Seth: Anywhere.
Maggie: What'll we do?
Seth: Anything.

Maggie: Something happened in that room. I got this jolt that... something bigger is out there. Something bigger than me, bigger than you. Does that sound crazy?

Maggie: Why do you wear the same clothes all the time? Why won't you give me your phone number? Are you married?
Seth: No.
Maggie: Are you homeless?
Seth: No.
Maggie: Are you a drummer?

Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.
Maggie Rice: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like?
Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you.
Maggie Rice: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that?
Seth: It's perfect.

Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

Seth: Some things are true whether you believe in them or not.

Maggie: No dying yet, Mr. Messenger. Not until you give me Seth's phone number.

Chicken Run

2009-02-23T00:48:00.001-08:00

Ginger: So, laying eggs all your life and then getting stuffed and roasted, that's good enough for you, is it?
Babs: It's a living.

Babs: I saw my whole life flash before my eyes! ...It was boring!

[The chickens are panicking]
Ginger: Calm down, we mustn't lose our heads!
Bunty: Lose our heads?! Aaaahh!

Babs: Morning, Ginger, back from holiday?
Ginger: I wasn't on holiday, Babs. I was in solitary confinement.
Babs: Aww... it's nice to get some time to yourself, isn't it?

Bunty: That is the most fantastic LOAD OF TRIPE I've ever heard! The chances of us escaping are a million to one.
Ginger: Then there's still a chance.

Ginger: We die free or we die trying.
Babs: Are those the only choices?

Rocky Rhodes the Rhode Island Red Rooster: Now, the most important thing is, we have to work as a team, which means: you do everything I tell you.

Fetcher the Rat: Birds of a feather flop together.

Babs: I don't want to be a pie. I don't like gravy!

Ginger: You mean you weren't the pilot?
Fowler: Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't allow chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!

Rocky Rhodes the Rhode Island Red Rooster: The name's Rocky. Rocky the Rhode Island Red. Rhodes for short.
Bunty: Rocky Rhodes?
Rocky Rhodes the Rhode Island Red Rooster: Catchy, huh?

Fetcher the Rat: It's raining hen!

Rocky Rhodes the Rhode Island Red Rooster: You see, flying takes three things: Hard work, perseverance and... hard work.
Fowler: You said "hard work" twice!
Rocky Rhodes the Rhode Island Red Rooster: That's because it takes twice as much work as perseverance.

Mr. Tweedy: What is it?
Mrs. Tweedy: It's a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out.
Mr. Tweedy: Ooh, what kind of pies?
Mrs. Tweedy: Apple.
Mr. Tweedy: My favorite.
Mrs. Tweedy: Chicken pies, you great lummox!

Fowler: Pushy Americans, always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed, and over here!

Chasing Amy

2009-02-23T00:47:00.004-08:00

Hooper: Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a Nubian?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up!

Banky: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

Banky: All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'.

Alyssa: I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.

Banky: I feel a hate crime coming on.

Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky: Mmm, get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High."
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky: I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot."

Silent Bob: Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?

[Alyssa on the phone with Holden after she paged him.]
Alyssa Jones: One minute and five seconds; you are such my bitch.

Alyssa: For you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition -- you inside some girl you do, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
Banky: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes.

Banky: [to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?

Alyssa: Are you an authorized dealmaker in this establishment? Do you have the power to negotiate?

Cashier: You wanna haggle over the price of your French Dip?

Jay: So why the long face, Horace? Banky on the rag?
Holden: I'm just, ahh... just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.

Banky: Archie is NOT fucking Mr. Weatherbee!

Jay: Jedi bitch.

[On his lovemaking approach]
Banky Edwards: Like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates.

Alyssa Jones: So, you've never been curious about men?
Holden McNeil: Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.

Alyssa Jones: Why are we stopping? Holden McNeil: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa Jones: Can't take what?
Holden McNeil: I love you.
Alyssa Jones: You love me?
Holden McNeil: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Alyssa Jones: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you--it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden McNeil: Still am.
Alyssa Jones: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.

Holden McNeil: It's not who you love, it's how.

Banky Edwards: I just have to get something.
[Pulls out a huge stack of porno books]
Holden McNeil: Who are you, Larry fucking Flynt? What are you going to do with all of those?
Banky Edwards: Read the articles. What do you think I'm going to do with them? They're stroke books.
Holden McNeil: You've got like thirty books there! We're only there for two days!
Banky Edwards: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes -- not often, but sometimes -- I like the idea of a chick with a horse.

Charlie's Angels

2009-02-23T00:47:00.003-08:00

Charlie: Good morning, angels.
Dylan, Natalie, Alex: Good morning, Charlie!

Dylan: And that's called 'kickin your ass'

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]
Bosley: What's this?
Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine once took a Chinese fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziplock bags.

Chad: Was it the Chad?
Dylan Sanders: No, the Chad was great!
Chad: The Chad was great.

Eric Knox: So where we going, House of Pancakes or The Sizzler?
Vivian Wood: What are you, the cheapest man on the planet?

Chad: The Chad... is stuck.

Roger Corwin: You have great hands. I could use someone like you on my staff.
Alex Munday: My hands aren't going anywhere near your staff.

Vivian Wood: Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Charlie: Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're bright, they're beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Charlie.

Alex Munday: Jason, I haven't been honest with you; I'm not a bikini waxer!

Casablanca

2009-02-23T00:47:00.001-08:00

Rick Blaine: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Rick Blaine: How long was it we had, honey?
Ilsa Lund: I didn't count the days.
Rick Blaine: Well, I did. Every one of them. Mostly, I remember the last one, the wild finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain, with a comical look on his face, because his insides have been kicked out.

Ilsa Lund: Thank you for the coffee, monsieur. I shall miss that when I leave Casablanca.
Senor Ferrari: It was gracious of you to share it with me.

[Ugarte gives exit visas to Rick for safe keeping.]
Ugarte: Rick, I hope you're more impressed with me, now? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll share my luck with your roulette wheel.
[Starts to walk away.]
Rick Blaine: [stands up. Ugarte stops.] Just a moment. I heard a rumor those two German couriers were carrying letter of transit.
Ugarte: Huh? Oh, huh, I heard that rumor too. Poor devils.
Rick Blaine: You're right, Ugarte. I am a little more impressed with you.
[Rick exits casino.]

Captain Louis Renault: If he ever gets a word in, it'll be a major Italian victory.

Major Heinrich Strasser: Last night you expressed an interest in Monsieur Ugarte.
Victor Laszlo: Well, its not important, but may I speak with him?
Major Heinrich Strasser: You would find the conversation a trifle one-sided. Monsieur Ugarte's dead.
Captain Louis Renault: I'm just writing the report now. We haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide or died trying to escape.

Rick Blaine: I don't like disturbances in my place.
[to the German officer]
Rick Blaine: Either lay off politics, or get out.

Rick Blaine: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
Ilsa Lund: But, Richard, no, I... I...
Rick Blaine: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie?
Captain Louis Renault: I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
Ilsa Lund: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick Blaine: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa Lund: But what about us?
Rick Blaine: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa Lund: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick Blaine: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

Captain Louis Renault: Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual number of suspects.

Captain Louis Renault: Oh no, Emil, please. A bottle of your best champagne, and put it on my bill.
Emil: Very well, sir.
Victor Laszlo: Captain, please...
Captain Louis Renault: Oh, please, monsieur. It is a little game we play. They put it on the bill, I tear up the bill. It is very convenient.

Victor Laszlo: Welcome back to the fight. This time I know our side will win.

Ilsa Lund: Who is Rick?
Captain Louis Renault: Mamoiselle, you are in Rick's! And Rick is...
Ilsa Lund: Who is he?
Captain Louis Renault: Well, Rick is the kind of person that. Well, if I were a woman, and I were not in love. I should be in love with Rick, but what a fool I am talking to a beautiful woman about another man.

Rick Blaine: Who are you really, and what were you before? What did you do, and what did you think, huh?

Senor Ferrari: Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

[After observing the gambling tables at Rick's]
Customer: Are you sure this place is honest?
Carl: Honest? As honest as the day is long!

[As he goes to hand Renault a bribe.]
Jan Brandel: Captain Renault... may I?
Captain Louis Renault: Oh no! Not here please! Come to my office tomorrow morning. We'll do everything businesslike.
Jan Brandel: We'll be there at six!

Captain Louis Renault: I'll be there at ten.

Rick Blaine: How can you close me up? On what grounds?
Captain Louis Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!
[A croupier hands Renault a pile of money]
Croupier: Your winnings, sir.
Captain Louis Renault: [sotto voce] Oh, thank you very much.
[aloud]
Captain Louis Renault: Everybody out at once!

Rick Blaine: Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Ilsa Lund: Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.

Rick Blaine: And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart.
Captain Louis Renault: That is my least vulnerable spot.

Captain Louis Renault: Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects.

Victor Laszlo: I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you're in love with a woman. It is perhaps a strange circumstance that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came to this café, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I-- I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing. You won't give me the letters of transit: all right, but I want my wife to be safe. I ask you as a favor, to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca.
Rick Blaine: You love her that much?
Victor Laszlo: Apparently you think of me only as the leader of a cause. Well, I'm also a human being. Yes, I love her that much.

[Of Victor Laszlo, who wants to escape from Casablanca]
Captain Louis Renault: No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa... or I should say two?
Rick Blaine: Why two?
Captain Louis Renault: He is traveling with a lady. Rick Blaine: He'll take one.

Captain Louis Renault: I think not. I have seen the lady.

Captain Louis Renault: My dear Ricky, you overestimate the influence of the Gestapo. I don't interfere with them and they don't interfere with me. In Casablanca I am master of my fate! I am--
Police Officer: Major Strasser is here, sir!
Rick Blaine: You were saying?
Captain Louis Renault: Excuse me.

Rick Blaine: I congratulate you.
Victor Laszlo: What for?
Rick Blaine: Your work.
Victor Laszlo: I try.
Rick Blaine: We all try. You succeed.

Rick Blaine: You know what I want to hear.
Sam: [lying] No, I don't.
Rick Blaine: You played it for her, you can play it for me!
Sam: [lying] Well, I don't think I can remember--
Rick Blaine: If she can stand it, I can! Play it!

Captain Louis Renault: We are very honored tonight, Rick. Major Strasser is one of the reasons the Third Reich enjoys the reputation it has today.
Major Heinrich Strasser: You repeat *Third* Reich as though you expected there to be others!
Captain Louis Renault: Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes.

[Rick and Renault discussing Victor Laszlo's chances of escaping Casablanca.]
Captain Louis Renault: This is the end of the chase.
Rick Blaine: Twenty thousand francs says it isn't.
Captain Louis Renault: Is that a serious offer?
Rick Blaine: I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back.
Captain Louis Renault: Make it ten. I'm only a poor corrupt official.

[Ugarte sells exit visas]
Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?
Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would.

Ugarte: Rick, think of all the poor devils who can't meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so... parasitic?
Rick Blaine: I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.

Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick Blaine: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick Blaine: I never make plans that far ahead.

[Annina is contemplating Renault's offer of exit visas for sex.]
Annina: Oh, monsieur, you are a man. If somone loved you very much, so that your happiness was the only thing that she wanted in the world, but she did a bad thing to make certain of it, could you forgive her?
Rick Blaine: Nobody ever loved me that much.
Annina: And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it?
Rick Blaine: You want my advice?
Annina: Oh, yes, please.
Rick Blaine: Go back to Bulgaria.

Captain Louis Renault: How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce.

Captain Louis Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick Blaine: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Louis Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick Blaine: I was misinformed.

Rick Blaine: I stick my neck out for nobody.

Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick Blaine: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Louis Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Rick Blaine: Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or -- aren't you the kind that tells?

Senor Ferrari: As the leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man.

Rick Blaine: Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for.
Victor Laszlo: You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.
Rick Blaine: Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery.
Victor Laszlo: You know how you sound, Mr. Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart.

[About Rick.]
Major Strasser: You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American.
Captain Louis Renault: We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.

Ilsa Lund: A franc for your thoughts.
Rick Blaine: In America they'd bring only a penny, and, huh, I guess that's about all they're worth.
Ilsa Lund: Well, I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me.
Rick Blaine: Well, I was wondering...
Ilsa Lund: Yes?
Rick Blaine: Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along.
Ilsa Lund: Why there is no other man in my life?
Rick Blaine: Uh-huh.
Ilsa Lund: That's easy: there was. And he's dead.

Major Strasser: Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?
Rick Blaine: It's not particularly my beloved Paris.
Heinz: Can you imagine us in London?
Rick Blaine: When you get there, ask me!
Captain Louis Renault: Hmmh! Diplomatist!
Major Strasser: How about New York?
Rick Blaine: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.

Captain Louis Renault: In 1935, you ran guns to Ethiopia. In 1936, you fought in Spain, on the Loyalist side.
Rick Blaine: I got well paid for it on both occasions.
Captain Louis Renault: The winning side would have paid you much better.

Captain Louis Renault: Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this café, but we know that you've never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open.
Rick Blaine: Oh? I thought it was because I let you win at roulette.
Captain Louis Renault: That is another reason.

Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of a man is Captain Renault?
Rick Blaine: Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so.

Ilsa Lund: Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.
Sam: [lying] I don't know what you mean, Miss Elsa.
Ilsa Lund: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Sam: [lying] Oh, I can't remember it, Miss Elsa. I'm a little rusty on it.
Ilsa Lund: I'll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum...
[Sam begins playing]
Ilsa Lund: Sing it, Sam.
Sam: [singing] You must remember this / A kiss is still a kiss / A sigh is just a sigh / The fundamental things apply / As time goes by. / And when two lovers woo, / They still say, "I love you" / On that you can rely / No matter what the future brings---
Rick Blaine: [rushing up] Sam, I thought I told you never to play---
[Sees Ilsa. Sam closes the piano and rolls it away.]

Ilsa Lund: I wasn't sure you were the same. Let's see, the last time we met....
Rick Blaine: Was La Belle Aurora.
Ilsa Lund: How nice, you remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris.
Rick Blaine: Not an easy day to forget?
Ilsa Lund: No.
Rick Blaine: I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

Mr. Leuchtag: Come sit down. Have a brandy with us.
Mrs. Leuchtag: To celebrate our leaving for America tomorrow.
Carl: Oh, thank you very much. I thought you would ask me, so I brought the good brandy. And -- a third glass!
Mrs. Leuchtag: At last the day is came!
Mr. Leuchtag: Mareichtag and I are speaking nothing but English now.
Mrs. Leuchtag: So we should feel at home when we get to America.
Carl: Very nice idea, mm-hmm.
Mr. Leuchtag: [toasting] To America!
Mrs. Leuchtag: To America!
Carl: To America!
Mr. Leuchtag: Liebchen-- sweetnessheart, what watch?
Mrs. Leuchtag: Ten watch.
Mr. Leuchtag: Such much?
Carl: Hm. You will get along beautiful in America, mm-hmm.

[Denying a refugee entrance to the casino.]
Rick Blaine: Your cash is good at the bar.
Banker: What? Do you know who I am?
Rick Blaine: I do. You're lucky the bar's open to you.

Woman: What makes saloonkeepers so snobbish?
Banker: Perhaps if you told him I ran the second largest banking house in Amsterdam.
Carl: Second largest? That wouldn't impress Rick. The leading banker in Amsterdam is now the pastry chef in our kitchen.
Banker: We have something to look forward to.

Ugarte: Heh, you know, watching you just now with the Deutsche Bank, one would think you've been doing this all your life.
Rick Blaine: Oh, what makes you think I haven't?
Ugarte: Oh, n-n-n-nothing, but when you first came to Casablanca, I thought --
Rick Blaine: You thought what?
Ugarte: Hm, what right do I have to think, huh?

Ugarte: You know, Rick, I have many a friend in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me, you are the only one I trust.

Berger: We read five times that you were killed, in five different places.
Victor Laszlo: As you can see, it was true every single time.

Captain Louis Renault: Carl, see that Major Strasser gets a good table, one close to the ladies.
Carl: I have already given him the best, knowing he is German and would take it anyway.

"Here's looking at you, kid."

Can't Hardly Wait

2009-02-23T00:46:00.002-08:00

Kenny Fisher: That is a "Fragance of Love" scented candle, bitch.

Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.
Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?
Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.
Preston: Shut up about the dog, OK?!

Denise: There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.

Stoner Guy: You know who else I like that didn't get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.

Mike: I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!

Mike: I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!

Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train."

Preston: Now, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the school, she walks into mine! And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart---the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?

Denise: Fate works in really fucked up ways sometimes.
Preston: Especially in your case.

Exchange student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine!

[Holding up a card.]
William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgement or my behavior.

Kenny Fisher: Why y'all gotta waste my flava!

Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotsta have sex tonight!

Angel: There is fate, but it only takes you so far, because once you're there its up to you to make it happen.

Angel: There is fate, but it's up to you to make it happen.

William Lichter: Tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.

William Lichter: Well, you know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's alot more of them in the sea.

Mike Dexter: The future, bro, is women.

Kenny Fisher: It say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means. Kenny's friend: What? Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa" cuz I don't yo.

Preston: I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda.

Earth Girl: Maybe it's because she's a little busy ordering around her little conformist flock of sheep. SHEEP! You are all sheep. Baah!

[Drunk]
William Lichter: You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man!

Kenny Fisher: 'Sup, ladies? Yo Jana, wanna dance?
Jana: I'm allergic.
Kenny Fisher: You're allergic to dancing?
Jana: Yeah.

Kenny Fisher: Tonight is the night that Kenny Fisher becomes... da man.

Caddyshack

2009-02-23T00:46:00.001-08:00

Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Judge Smails: Ty, I'm no slouch you know.
Ty Webb: Don't be so hard on yourself, judge. You're a tremendous slouch.

Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

[Caddy Danny arrives among the rich in his yachting outfit]
Spalding: Ahoy polloi!

Ty: I like you Betty.
Danny: It's Danny sir.
Ty: Danny.

Spalding: This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

Al Czervik: Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

Danny: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty: I'm not quite sure where they are.

Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts aren't too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed wih a fine chamois, and I want them now! Chop chop!
Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge!

Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

Carl: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my -

Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Every day.
Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny Noonan: I don't know.

Ty Webb: A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a danish.

Ty Webb: I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.

Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.

Carl Spackler: I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.

Carl Spackler: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.

Ty Webb: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.

Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.

Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.

Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.

Ty Webb: This your place, Carl?
Carl Spackler: Yeah, whatta ya think?
Ty Webb: It's really... awful.
Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.

Ty Webb: So what brings you to this nape of the woods?

Bring It On

2009-02-23T00:45:00.004-08:00

Courtney: Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.
Whitney: He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.

Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive."

Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded."

Whitney: She puts the "itch" in "bitch."

Courtney: She puts the "whore" in "horrifying."

Sparky: Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded.>

Courtney: Why do we all have to diet?
Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go very high.

Toros Squad: That's all right. That's OK. You're gonna pump our gas someday.

Courtney: Let's not put the "duh" in dumb!

Courtney: I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit!

Whitney: Don't play dumb. We're better at it then you.

Courtney: You're having cheer-sex with him!

Aaron: We'll be reunited at Cal Sate Dominguez Hills! I'll be the experienced sophomore, you'll be the hot new freshman. It'll be just like high school, only better. Dorm rooms.

Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Missy Pantone: You speak fag?
Les: Oh, fluently.

Jan: Hey ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?

Big Red: You are all fine athletes, thanks in most part... to me.

Darcy: Big Red ran the show, man. We were just flying ignoramus, for sobbing out loud.

Jan: You know, all the cheerleaders in the world wouldn't help our football team.
Les: It's just sad. Cheering for them is just plain mean!

Jan: You know everyone just comes to see you ladies anyway.
Missy Pantone: Right, because we're such fine athletes.
Jan: Oh, live with it! You'll be fighting off major oglers, while we defend our sexuality.
Missy Pantone: What is your sexuality?
Les: Well, Jan's straight, and I'm... controversial.

Isis: Hey! Enjoy the show?
Lava: Yes, were the ethnic festivities to your liking today?

Isis: You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals... bring it. Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us. That way, when we beat you, we'll know it's because we're better.
Torrance Shipman: Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry.
Isis: I never do.

Torrance Shipman: You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.
Christine Shipman: That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.

Courtney: This isn't about cheating. It's about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?

Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!

Torrance Shipman: Ever been to a cheerleading competition?

Missy Pantone: What do you mean, like a football game?
Torrance Shipman: No, not a football game, those are like practices for us.

Missy Pantone: See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me.

Torrance Shipman: Look, we're the shit, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.

Aaron: You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell. Maybe you're just not "captain" material.

Torrance Shipman: So, is that your band or something?
Cliff Pantone: The Clash? Uh... no. It's a British punk band, circa 1977 to 1983, original line up anyway.
Torrance Shipman: How vintage!

Jan: They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best.
Torrance Shipman: I define best as competing against the best there is and beating them. They can't not go.

Aaron: Big Red's a bitch, we all know that! Even she knows that!

Sparky: When you go on a diet, your body eats its stored fat cells, and if you're very lucky, Darcy, your body will eat your ass!

Torrance Shipman: My whole cheerleading career has been a lie.

Torrance Shipman: Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm overruling you.

Courtney: Big Red has no feelings!
Whitney: Just testicles

Aaron: Come on Torr...I can't mack on you in front of the parentals.

Missy Pantone: All right, let's get it over with. Hey, Torr, get over here.
Torrance Shipman: Why?
Missy Pantone: My brother wants to check out your rack.

The Breakfast Club

2009-02-23T00:45:00.003-08:00

[Vernon catches Bender playing basketball in the gym]
Bender: Don't you want to hear my excuse? I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.

Andrew: Speak for yourself.
Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.

[To himself, crawling above some acoustic ceiling tiles.]
Bender: Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says-- [The ceiling gives way.] oh shit!

Bender: You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?

John Bender: Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.

[Claire is doing Allison's make-up.]
Claire: You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.
Allison: Hey, I like all that black shit... Why are you being so nice to me?
Claire: Because you're letting me.

Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?
John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.
Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.
John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.
Claire Standish: You're a big coward.
Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.
Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.
John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?
Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.
John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.
Andrew Clark: Hey! Let's watch the mouth, huh?
Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.
John Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?
Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was i'm in the math club, the latin and the physics club...physics club.
John Bender: Hey, Cherry! Do you belong to the physics club?
Claire Standish: That's an academic club.
John Bender: So?
Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
John Bender: Ah...but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
Brian Johnson: In physics we...uh...we talk about physics, properties of physics.
John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birthdate's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.
Andrew Clark: Wow! Are you psychic?
Allison Reynolds: No.
Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.

Claire Standish: He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
John Bender: Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Andrew Clark: If I lose my temper you're totalled, man.
John Bender: Totally?
Andrew Clark: Totally.

Claire Standish: I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!

John Bender: Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

John Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.
Claire Standish: Shut up!
John Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fucking prom.

Allison: I don't have to runaway and live in the street. I can runaway and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.

Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire Standish: You're lying.
Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everthing there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Claire Standish: Lie.
Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?
Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?
Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.
Claire Standish: Very nice.
Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
Claire Standish: He's an adult.
Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.
Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times...
Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?
Allison Reynolds: Sure.
Claire Standish: Are you crazy?
Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it?
Claire Standish: I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Claire Standish: Didn't we already cover this?
John Bender: You never answered the question.
Claire Standish: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.
Allison Reynolds: It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?
Claire Standish: A what?
Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?
Claire Standish: Wrong.
Allison Reynolds: Or are you a tease?
Andrew Clark: She's a tease.
Claire Standish: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it.
Andrew Clark: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.
John Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
Claire Standish: I don't do anything.
Allison Reynolds: That's why you're a tease.
Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.
Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.
Claire Standish: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?
Allison Reynolds: I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.
Claire Standish: It's not the only difference I hope.
John Bender: Face it, you're a tease.
Claire Standish: I'm NOT a tease.
John Bender: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.
Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.
John Bender: What do you use it for then?
Claire Standish: I don't use it period!
John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
Claire Standish: I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth.
John Bender: Well, if you'd just answer the question.
Brian Johnson: Why don't you just answer the question?
Andrew Clark: Be honest.
John Bender: No big deal.
Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.
Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.
John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it!
John Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.
Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID IT!
Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

pJohn Bender: Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

John: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!

Brian Johnson: Chicks cannot hold their smoke, that's what it is.

John: I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.

John Bender: Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian Johnson: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.

Andrew Clark: You don't have any goals.
John Bender: Oh but I do.
Andrew Clark: Yeah?
John Bender: I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights.
Brian Johnson: You wear tights?
Andrew Clark: No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
Brian Johnson: Tights.
Andrew Clark: Shut up.

John Bender: Sporto.
Andrew Clark: What?
John Bender: You get along with your parents?
Andrew Clark: Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right?
John Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.

Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

John Bender: What's in there?
Claire Standish: Guess? Where's your lunch?
John Bender: You're wearing it.
Claire Standish: You're nauseating.
John Bender: [pointing to Claire's lunch] What's that?
Claire Standish: Sushi.
John Bender: Sushi??
Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
Claire Standish: Can I eat?
John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.

John Bender: But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?

Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian: So I can vote!

Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

John Bender: Excuse me, Dick. I mean, Rich, will milk be made available to us?
Claire Standish: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir, it's pretty gross.

Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.

Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids -- when *I* get old -- they're going to be running the country.
Carl: Yeah.
Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
Carl: I wouldn't count on it.

Claire Standish: What's your name?
John Bender: What's yours?
Claire Standish: Claire.
John Bender: Claire?!
Claire Standish: Claire. It's a family name.
John Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.
Claire Standish: Oh, thank you.
John Bender: You're welcome.
Claire Standish: I'm not fat.
John Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...

[John Bender is absently tearing up books]
Andrew Clark: That's real intelligent.
John Bender: You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And [examines title] Moe-Lay really pumps my nads.
Claire Standish: Moliere.

[Depicting a typical scene with his parents.]
John Bender: [as his father] "Stupid, worthless, no-good goddamn freeloading son of a bitch retarded big-mouthed know-it-all asshole jerk." [as his mother] "You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful." [as his father] "Shut up, bitch! Go fix me turkey pot pie!"

Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus. Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Andrew: Yo wastoid, you're not gonna blaze up in here!

Braveheart

2009-02-23T00:45:00.001-08:00

Narrator: I will tell you of William Wallace. Historians will call me a liar, but history is written by those who've hanged heroes.

Hamish: What in the hell are the Irish doing fighting with the English?
Stephen: I wouldn't worry about them. Like I said, it's my island.
William Wallace: Your island?
Stephen: MY ISLAND! Yup!

Stephen: Just when we thought all hope was lost, our noble saviors have arrived.

Hamish: Where are you going?
William Wallace: I'm going to pick a fight.
Hamish: Well, we didn't get dressed up for nothing.

Princess Isabelle: I've come to beg for the life of William Wallace.
Prince Edward: [scoffs] You're quite taken with him, aren't you?

Robert the Bruce: Now, I know you've sacrificed much. But fighting these odds looks like rage, not courage.
William Wallace: It's well beyond rage. Help me. For Christ's sake, help yourselves! If we join, we can win. If we win, well then we'll have what none of us has ever had before: a country of our own.

Robert's Father: Longshanks acquired Wallace. So did our nobles. That was the price of your crown.
Robert the Bruce: DIE!!! I want you to die!

Longshanks: Bring me Wallace. Alive if possible, dead...just as good.

Robert's Father: I'm the one that's rotting, but your face looks graver than mine.

Lord Bottoms: As lord of these lands I shall bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union.
Morrison: By God, you will not!

William Wallace: We all end up dead, the question is how and why.

Stephen: I'm the most wanted man on my island! But I'm not on my island.
[Laughs]
Hamish: You're island? You mean Ireland.
Stephen: Yeah. It's MINE.

William Wallace: You dropped your rock.

Argyle Wallis: We'll stay here tonight, leave in the mornin'.
Young William: But I don't want to leave.
Argyle Wallis: You did not want your father to die either, but it happened.

Argyle Wallis: Did the priest give a poetic benediction? "The Lord bless thee and keep thee..."
Young William: It was in Latin.
Argyle Wallis: You don't speak Latin? Eh, then that is something we shall have to remedy.

Longshanks: Archers.
English Commander: Beg your pardon sire, but won't we hit our own troops ?
Longshanks: Yes, but we'll hit there's as well. We have reserves...attack !

Executioner: The prisoner wishes to say a word.
William Wallace: FREEEEE-DOMMMMMM!

William Wallace: The answer is yes. Fight for me, you get to kill the English.
Stephen: Excellent!

William Wallace: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace.
Young soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall.
William Wallace: Yes, I've heard. He kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I am William Wallace, and I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?

William Wallace: Go back to England and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free.

[To Longshanks]
Princess Isabelle: You see? Death comes to us all. But before it comes to you, know this: your blood dies with you. A child who is not of your line grows in my belly. Your son will not sit long on the throne. I swear it.

Stephen: [To William Wallace] The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're fucked.

[Lord Bottoms has previously taken Morrison's wife as his own.]
Morrison: Do you remember me?
Lord Bottoms: I never did her any harm. It was my right.
Morrison: Your right? Well, I'm here to claim the right of a husband.
[Kills Lord Bottoms]

Campbell: I'm dying. Let me be.
Hamish: No. You're going to live.
Campbell: I've lived long enough to live free. And proud to see you become the man that you are. I'm a happy man.

Nicolette: Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for.

William Wallace: And if this is my army, why does it go?
Soldier: We didn't come here to die for them!
Second Soldier: Home, the English are too many.
William Wallace: I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?
Soldier: Against that? No, we will run, and we will live.
William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live...at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freeeedoooomm!

[After killing a would-be assassin.]
Stephen: I didn't like him anyway. He wasn't right in the head.

Campbell: [after his wound is cauterized] That'll wake you up in the mornin'.

Hamish: Some men are longer than others.
Campbell: Your mother's been telling stories about me again, ah?

English Commander: I hope you washed your ass this morning, it's about to be kissed by a king.

William Wallace: ...chaque jour j'ai pensé à toi.

Malcolm Wallace: It's our wits that make us men.

Longshanks: Who is this person that speaks to me as though I needed his advice?

William Wallace: Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.

William Wallace: In the year of our lord thirteen fourteen, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.

William Wallace: I love you. Always have. I want to marry you.

Stephen: [Speaking heavenward.] Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man. Alright Father, I'll ask him.
[To William.]
Stephen: If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?
Hamish: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?
Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.
[Looking heavenward.]
Stephen: Yes, Father.
[To William and his men.]
Stephen: The Almighty says don't change the subject; just answer the fucking question.

William Wallace: The answer is yes. Fight for me, you get to kill the English.
Stephen: Excellent!

Longshanks: Whom do I send? Not my gentle son. The mere sight of him would only encourage an enemy to take over the whole country.

Stephen: The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people.

William Wallace: Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape, and murder. Do this and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.

Robert the Bruce: You have bled with Wallace, now bleed with me.

Princess Isabelle: The king will be dead in a month and his son is a weakling. Who do you think is going to rule this kingdom?

William Wallace: I came home to raise crops, and God willing, a family. If I can live in peace, I will.

William Wallace: It's fine Scottish weather we're having. The rain is falling straight down and kind of to the side like.

William Wallace: Why do you help me?
Princess Isabelle: Because of the way you are looking at me now.

Argyle Wallis: They are saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes.

Robert's Father: At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you're ready to be a king.
Robert the Bruce: My hate will die with you.

Princess Isabelle: The king desires peace.
William Wallace: Longshanks desires peace?
Princess Isabelle: He declares it to me, I swear it. He proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest of gold which I am to pay to you personally.
William Wallace: A lordship and titles. Gold. That I should become Judas?
Princess Isabelle: Peace is made in such ways.
William Wallace: Slaves are made in such ways. The last time Longshanks spoke of peace I was a boy. And many Scottish nobles, who would not be slaves, were lured by him under a flag of truce to a barn, where he had them hanged. I was very young, but I remember Longshank's notion of peace.

Robert the Bruce: Lands, titles, men, power... nothing.
Robert's Father: Nothing?
Robert the Bruce: I have nothing. Men fight for me because if they do not, I throw them off my land and I starve their wives and children. Those men who bled the ground red at Falkirk fought for William Wallace. He fights for something that I never had. And I took it from him, when I betrayed him. I saw it in his face on the battlefield and it's tearing me apart.
Robert's Father: All men betray! All lose.
Robert the Bruce: I don't want to lose heart! I want to believe as he does!

Longshanks: Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing.

WIlliam Wallace: "There's a difference between us. You think the people of this land exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. and I go to make sure they have it."

William Wallace: "It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom."

Wallace's Father: "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."

King Longshank: "The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots."

William Wallace: "Every man dies, not every man really lives."

William Wallace: "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Boogie Nights

2009-02-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

[To his pregnant wife]
Buck Swope: How's my little kung fu fighter?
Jessie St. Vincent: He's kicking ass inside my stomach.

[Colonel's lady friend lying on ground, bleeding from nose.]
Young Stud: I, I think she did too much coke.
The Colonel: Oh you think so doctor?

[In a scene from "Brock Landers: Angels Live In My Town."]
Dirk: [as Brock] You still hungry?
Jessie: Starving.
[Unzipping his pants.]
Dirk: [as Brock] Then feast on that.

Floyd Gondoli: This here's the future. Videotape tells the truth.
Jack Horner: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape.

Maurice: I'm the ultimate Latin Lover. There ain't no Latin Lover like me.

Dirk Diggler: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright?
Record Producer: No, you don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk Diggler: In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense!
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk Diggler: Hello? Exactly!!
Record Producer: That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, alright, but the magic that is on those tapes. That fucking heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that! Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man!

Amber Waves: Let me just check on something. [Takes off Dirk's pants.] That is a giant cock.

Reed Rothchild: Hey, are those lizard?
Dirk Diggler: No, they're Italian. I'm gonna fuckin' buy these.

Buck: See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.

Dirk Diggler: What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again.

Dirk: You know, I'm gonna be a great big bright, shining star.

Floyd Gondolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.

Reed Rothchild: [as Chest Rockwell] Let's get some of that Saturday night beaver.

Jack Horner: Before you turn around, you've spent maybe 20, 25, 30 thousand dollars on a movie.

[His one word prediction for the future of the porn industry]
Floyd Gondolli: Videotape.

Jack Horner: He's my 17-year-old piece of gold.

Jack Horner: We're about to make film history, right here on videotape.

Jack Horner: I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out.

Dirk Diggler: Aren't you gonna take your skates off?
Rollergirl: I never take my skates off.

[Little Bill walks in on his wife having sex with someone]
Little Bill: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
His Wife: What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?

Dirk Digler: I'm ready to shoot RIGHT NOW!

Reed Rothchild: Have you seen that Star Wars movie?
Eddie Adams: Yeah, I've seen it four times.
Reed Rothchild: You know, people tell me I kind of look like Han Solo.

The Colonel: So, Jack tells me you've got a great big cock.

Dirk Diggler: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?
Jack Horner: Yeah?
Dirk Diggler: I was wondering if you had any ideas.
Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me
Dirk Diggler: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.
Jack Horner: Tell me.
Dirk Diggler: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign -- it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."

Dirk Diggler: You're not the boss of me, Jack! You're not the king of Dirk! I'm the boss of me! I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler! I'm the star! It's my big dick and I say when we roll!

Dirk Diggler: I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright, shining star.

Reed Rothchild: Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees: playing, playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.

Blues Brothers 2000

2009-02-23T00:43:00.004-08:00

Elwood: We've got to get off this road. They've called ahead by now and you can't outrun a Motorola.

Mighty Mack: Great. They have automatic weapons. We have carpet tacks.
Elwood: There not carpet tacks. They're dry wall nails.

Elwood Blues: Stay away from drugs, gangs, and cyberporn on the Internet and you can be President some day.

Queen Mousette: You wish to enter the contest.
Mighty Mack: We wish to win first prize!

Blues Brothers

2009-02-23T00:43:00.003-08:00

(Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood with her stick.)
Elwood: "You fat penguin!"

(While standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany)
Jake: "The band...the band.."
Rev. Cleophus: "DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!"
Jake: "THE BAND!!!"
Rev. Cleophus: "DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!!"
Elwood: "What light?!"
Rev. Cleophus: "DO YOU SEEEE THE LIGHT?!"
Jake: "YES!! YES!! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST...I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!"

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses... HIT IT!"

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood with her stick.]
Elwood: You fat penguin!

Jake Blues: Ya see, me and the Lord have an understanding.

Cab Calloway: Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.

Soul Food Cafe Owner: Help you two?
Elwood: Do you have any white bread ma'am?
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Yeah.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: You want any jam on that honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
Jake: Have you got any fried chicken ma'am?
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Best damned chicken in the state!
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: You want chickens wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Ya'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Be right back.

Elwood Blues: Illinois Nazis.
Jake Blues: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Elwood Blues: The light was yellow, sir.

[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when he was arrested.]
Corrections Officer: One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood Blues: You don't like it?
Jake Blues: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake Blues: Of course it's got a lot of pickup...
Elwood Blues: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[A brief thinking pause while Jake Blues lights a cigarette]
Jake Blues: Fix the cigarette lighter.

[While standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]
Jake: The band...the band...
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!
Jake: THE BAND!!!
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!!
Elwood: What light?!
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEEEE THE LIGHT?!
Jake: YES!! YES!! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST...I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!

Reverend Cleophus James: Praise God!
Elwood: And God bless the United States of America!

Jake Blues: How often does the train go by?
Elwood Blues: So often you don't even notice it.

Elwood: Oh no!
Jake: What the fuck was that?
Elwood: We threw a rod!
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yup.

Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

Jake Blues: How much for the little girl? Your women - how much for the women?

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?
Elwood Blues: No, ma'am. We're musicians.

Jake Blues: I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Curtis: Well, the Sister was right. You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say!
Jake: Curtis, I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell!
Curtis: Jake, you get wise! You get to church!

Jake Blues: [to Sister Mary Stigmata] 5 grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake Blues: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake Blues: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said; I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood Blues: Christ Jake! Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood Blues: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues: Shit!

Jake Blues: You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood Blues: What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you.

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]
Elwood Blues: Shit!
Jake Blues: What?
Elwood Blues: Rollers...
Jake Blues: No!
Elwood Blues: Yeah.
Jake Blues: Shit!

Elwood Blues: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Jake Blues: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood Blues: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!

[While they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on their tail]
Elwood Blues: Baby clothes...
Jake Blues: This place has got everything.

[Repeated line]
Elwood Blues: We're on a mission from God.

Murph: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray: Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the city Chicago.
Jake Blues: How much?
Ray: 2000 bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Elwood Blues: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

Jake Blues: Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline: Hold it, hold it. "Tomorrow night", what are you talking about. A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.
Elwood Blues: I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.

Police Dispatcher: Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers HAS been approved.

Burton Mercer: Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips!

Elwood Blues: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it!

[Carrie flame throws a propane tank next to a phone booth they are in - it blows sky high and crashes down to earth - the phone breaking in half]
Elwood Blues: Hey Jake! Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here!

Elwood Blues: I bet these cops got SCMODS.
'Joliet' Jake Blues: SCMODS?
Elwood Blues: State County Municipal Offender Data System.

Maury Sline: Five thousand dollars. Who do you guys think you are, The Beatles?

Jake Blues: That Night Train's a mean wine.

Elwood Blues: You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am?

The Cheese Whiz: You got my Cheez Wiz, boy?

The Blair Witch Project

2009-02-23T00:43:00.001-08:00

Heather Donahue: I just want to apologize to Josh's mom, and Mike's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said "keep going south." I was the one who said that we were not lost. It was my fault, because it was my project. I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!

Michael Williams: I could help you, but I'd rather stand here and record.

Joshua Leonard: Are you happy?
Heather Donahue: I'm not happy, no. But the car's not far -- we're just not going to be able to find it in the dark.

Heather Donahue: I tell you guys, two more hours max.

Michael Williams: I agreed to a scouted-out project!

Heather Donahue: How would we have, like, just... made a campsite in the middle of three piles of rocks, just by coincidence?

Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK the map, Heather.
Heather Donahue: I gave you the map.
Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK... THE MAP.

Heather Donahue: How's east?
Michael Williams: East?
Heather Donahue: Yeah, we've been going south all this time. How's east?
Michael Williams: Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the East. Which one was bad?
Heather Donahue: Wicked Witch of the West was the bad one.
Michael Williams: Then we should go east.

Michael Williams: What are some of your favorite things to do?
Heather Donahue: Well, on Sundays I used to like to go hiking, but now...

Heather Donahue: I'm scared to close my eyes. I'm scared to open them.

Heather Donahue: It's very hard to get lost in America these days, and even harder to stay lost.

Heather Donahue: Mmmm. Marshmallows. Soft.

[On "Gilligan's Island."]
Joshua Leonard: There was no beer on the island, man. If they had beer they would have had, like, big-ass orgies.

Michael Williams: What's with that slime on your backpack?
Joshua Leonard: That's not slime, it's just water. No wait, it is slime, what the fuck?

Joshua Leonard: I heard two noises coming from two separate areas of space over there. One of them could have been a deer, but the other one sounded like a cackling.
Heather Donahue: No way!
Joshua Leonard: Yeah, it was like a serious cackling.
Heather Donahue: See, my problem is that I sleep like a fucking rock.
Michael Williams: If I heard a cackling, I would have shit in my pants!

Joshua Leonard: [Looking through Heather's camera] It's not the same on film is it? I mean, you know it's real, but it's like looking through the lens gives you some sort of protection from what's on the other side.

[Why the woods aren't big enough to get lost in]
Heather Donahue: Because this is America! We've exhausted all of our natural resources!

Heather Donahue: I want to avoid being cheesy, here. I want to avoid any cheese.

Heather Donahue: We have enough battery power to run a small third world country here.

Heather Donahue: Witches in days gone by were roasted just like my Vienna sausage.

Josh Leonard: I see why you like this video camera so much.
Heather Donahue: You do?
Josh Leonard: It's not quite reality. It's like a totally filtered reality. It's like you can pretend everything's not quite the way it is.

Josh Leonard: OK, here's your motivation. You're lost, you're angry in the woods, and no one is here to help you. There's a witch and she keeps leaving shit outside your door. There's no one here to help you! She left little trinkets, you took one of them, she ran after us. There's no one here to help you! We walked for 15 hours today, we ended up in the same place! There's no one here to help you, THAT'S your motivation! THAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION!

Josh Leonard: You gonna write us a happy ending, Heather?

Mike: I found some cigarettes. I found them all the way in the bottom of my pack. We're still alive 'cause we're smoking.

Blade

2009-02-23T00:42:00.000-08:00

Karen: You used me as bait?
Blade: Get over it.

Frost: Maybe it's time we forgot about discretion. We should be ruling the humans, not running around making back alley treaty's with them. For fuck sake these people are our food not our allies.

Deacon Frost: You may wake up one day and find yourself extinct.

Whistler: I'm getting too old for this shit! Somebody get me a god-damned wheelchair!

Quinn: I'm gonna be naughty! I'm gonna be a naughty vampire god!

Blade: The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping. There is another world beneath it. The real world.

Deacon Frost: Tonight, the age of man comes to an end.

Blade: Some motherfuckers always trying to ice skate uphill.

Karen: Wait! I'm coming with you.
Blade: You're useless.

Blade: How do you think we fund this little operation? We're not exactly the March of Dimes.

Blade: There are worse things out tonight than vampires.
Karen: Like what?
Blade: Like me.

Blade: O.K., Vampire Anatomy 101. Crosses and running water don't do dick, so forget about what you see in the movies. You use a stake, silver, or sunlight. You know how to use one of these?
[Hands her a gun.]
Dr. Karen Jenson: No, but I sure as hell learn quick.
Blade: Safety's off, first round's already chambered. Silver hollow-point filled with garlic. Aim for the head or the heart. Anything else, it's your ass.

Pearl: He's gonna kill me! You need me, Frost! You need me!
Frost: Pearl, you're history. Have the good grace to die with some fucking dignity.

Dr. Karen Jenson: Vampires like you aren't a species, you're just infected, a virus, a sexually transmitted disease.
Frost: I'll tell you what we are, sister. We're the top of the fucking food chain.

Dr. Karen Jenson: Isn't this just a little high-tech? I thought vampires were more into cobwebs and coffins.
Blade: You've been watching too much TV. They've got their claws into everything -- politics, finance, real estate. They already own half of downtown.

Dr. Karen Jenson: You know, my mother used to say: A cold heart is a dead heart.

Blade: You better wake up. The world you live in is nothing but a sugarcoated topping! There is another world beneath it. And if you want to survive it you better learn how to PULL THE TRIGGER!

Dr. Karen Jenson: You're one of them, aren't you?
Blade: No, I'm something else.

Black Hawk Down

2009-02-23T00:41:00.004-08:00

Eversmann: Nobody asks to be a hero, it just sometimes turns out that way.

"Hoot": People ask me, why do you do it man? They don't understand, it's about the men next to you. That's all it is.

[Watching a Somali mother pick up a gun]
Specialist Mike Kurth: Don't do it lady!

"Hoot": When I get home people 'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?" Ya know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is.

Struecker: No one gets left behind, you know that.

Abdullah 'Firimbi' Hassan: You Americans don't smoke any more. You lead long, dull and uneventful lives.

"Hoot": Y'know what I think? Don't really matter what I think. Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window.

Struecker: It's what you do right now that makes a difference.

[Cpl. Smith is dying]
Smith: I'm sorry.
Eversmann: For what? You saved Twombly, you did it prefect.
Smith: You okay Twombs?
Twombly: Yeah, I'm okay, Jamie.
Eversmann: See, you did what you were trained to do. You should be proud of that, be proud of that.
Smith: Ev?
Eversmann: Yeah.
Smith: Do me a favor, okay? Tell my parents that I fought well today. And tell them that I... that I fought hard.
Eversmann: You're gonna tell them yourself okay, Jamie?
Smith: Are... are the humvees here?
Eversmann: They're coming, Jamie. They're coming. You just gotta hold on for a little longer. Can you do that?
Smith: I can, I can. It's nothing. It's nothing.

Durant: Where's the rescue squad?
Shughart: We're it.

Eversmann: Remember, we're Rangers not some sorry-ass JROTC. We're Elite. Let's act like it out there. Hoo-ah?
Rangers: Hoo-ah!

[After an explosion.]
Sanderson: Are you alright?!?
Grimes: Yeah, I can hear bells ringin'!

Crew Chief: Hey, Grimesy! No fear!
Grimes: Oh, yeah, RIGHT!

Pilot: Mike Durant, we won't leave you behind.

General Garrison: If we don't hold down this city we are gonna have 100 caskets to fill by morning.

Atto: You shouldn't have come here. This is a civil war. This is our war, not yours.
General Garrison: 300,000 dead and counting. That's not a war Mr. Atto. That's genocide.

Grimes: Why aren't you shooting?
Waddell: We're not being shot at yet!
Grimes: How can you tell?
Waddell: A hiss means it's close. If you hear a pop, then
[bullets begin flying over his head]
Waddell: - now they're shooting at us!

Eversmann: Look, these people, they have no jobs, no food, no education, no future. I just figure that we have two things we can do. Help, or we can sit back and watch a country destroy itself on CNN.

"Hoot": Sergeant, you got your men this far. You did it right today. Now you gotta start thinking about getting them out of here.

[After Wolcott's Chopper goes down]
General Garrison: We just lost the initiative.

McKnight: You, get up there and drive!
Othic: But I'm shot Colonel!
McKnight: Everybody's shot! We need the prisoners, let's go!

Todd Blackburn: Well I'm here to kick some ass.

Yurek: [Looks at Nelson strangely] What's wrong with him?
Twombly: Oh, he's deaf. My fault.

Grimes: I made *coffee* during Desert Storm.

Garrison: Good luck boys. Be careful. Remember nobody gets left behind.
[Looking at Eversmann's face]
Grimes: What's wrong?
Eversmann: Nothing. It's just that he's never done that before.

Casey Joyce: [Watching Wex] Look at this man Ruiz, he's taping his blood type to his boot. That's bad luck.
Lorenzo Ruiz: No that's smart.
[Pulls out a death letter]
Lorenzo Ruiz: . All Delta do that.
Casey Joyce: [Looking at the letter] That's bad luck too man.

Eversmann: You okay?
Todd Blackburn: Excited. In a good way. I've been training my whole life for this.
Eversmann: You ever shot at anybody before?
Todd Blackburn: No Sergeant.
Eversmann: Me neither.

[Durant and Wolcott talk over the intercom as they fly past each other in their helicopters]
Durant: Super Six One, go to UHF secure. I've got some bad news.
Cliff Wolcott: Limo is a word, Durant. I don't want to hear about it.
Durant: It is not a word. It's not in the dictionary.
Cliff Wolcott: Limo is a word in common usage. That is the key phrase in scrabble, my friend.
Durant: No! If it's not in the dictionary, it doesn't count.
Cliff Wolcott: It doesn't have to be in the dictionary!
Durant: It does have to be in the dictionary! Listen, when we get back to base, it's coming off the board.
Cliff Wolcott: You touch my limo and I'll spank you, Night Stalker. You hear me?
Durant: Yeah. Promises.

Dominick Pilla: Colonel! Colonel! They're shooting at us!
McKnight: Well shoot back!

Yurek: [ducking behind a car after being shot at by Nelson] Rangers?!?
Twombly: HOO-AH!
Yurek: It's Yurek! You fucking assholes!
Twombly: We almost fucking killed you! Well, come to us!
Yurek: Fuck you! Come to me!

[After Nelson, Twombly, and Yurek grouped together talking about equipment.]
Twombly: Never mind, you brought NOD, right?
Yurek: No, I did not bring it. You know why? Because you said: "You won't need that, we'll be back in a half-hour
Twombly: [feeling guilty] I wasn't exactly saying that to you.

[Durant is being interrogated.]
Durant: My government will never negotiate for me.
Abdullah 'Firimbi' Hassan: Then perhaps you and I can negotiate, huh? Soldier to Soldier.
Durant: I am not in charge
Abdullah 'Firimbi' Hassan: Course not, you have the power to kill, but not negotiate. In Somalia, Killing is Negotiation.

Abdullah 'Firimbi' Hassan: Do you think if you get General Aidid, we will simply put down our weapons and adopt American democracy? That the killing will stop? We know this. Without victory, there will be no peace. There will always be killing, see? This is how things are in our world.

"Hoot": See you're thinking. Don't. Cuz' Sergeant, you can't control who gets hit or who doesn't or who falls out of a chopper or why. It ain't up to you. It's just war.

Dominick Pilla: [imitating Cpt. Steele] We are on the ten yard line men, can you count 'em? One, Two, Ten! I need my linebackers hoo-ah!
[men respond with laughter and "hoo-ah!"]
Dominick Pilla: Didn't see you in church on Sunday soldier, you got somethin' better to do? I don't think so, I will make you believe!

[Impersonating Captain Steele]
Dominick Pilla: You say this is your safety? Well, this is my boot, soldier, and it will fit up your ass with the proper amount of force!

"Hoot": Nice man, real smooth.
Gordon: Single shot to the engine block.

[After Hoot cuts in front of him in line for food]
Todd Blackburn: Hey, there's a line.
"Hoot": I know.
Todd Blackburn: And this ain't the end of it.
"Hoot": I know.

Steele: Sergeant, what's the meaning of this?
[Thinking he's talking about the unauthorized pig picking]
"Hoot": Just a little aerial target practice, sir. Didn't want to leave 'em behind.
Steele: I'm talking about your weapon, soldier. Now Delta or no-Delta, that's still a hot weapon. Your safety should be on at all times.
"Hoot": This is my safety, sir.
[He holds up his index finger and bends motions as if squeezing a trigger and then walks off.]
Sanderson: Let it alone, sir. He hasn't eaten in a few days.

[On seeing wild boars running below the Black Hawk]
"Hoot": Who's hungry?

[To Blackburn]
Grimes: Listen, kid, you look like you're 12.

Sanderson: So where did they find you?
Grimes: Behind a desk.
[Sanderson laughs]
Grimes: No really.

[Trying to start a conversation]
Eversmann: You know, sunny beach, warm weather this would almost be a nice place to visit.
"Hoot": Almost.

Garrison: You know, the last one of these guys shot himself in the head playing Russian-Roulette in a bar.

[On the spy]
Matthews: He now says that the house is a couple of blocks to his left, but he's scared if he gets any closer he'll be shot.
Garrison: I'll fucking shoot him myself a couple of blocks down!

McKnight: Ok, we're going to have to turn 'em around and go back the way we came.
Maddox: WHAT?!

[Jamie Smith bounces a basketball on the table where Eversman is working]
Eversmann: What the fuck, Smith?
Smith: So?
Eversmann: "So" what?
Smith: We going out?
Eversmann: Why should I tell you?
Smith: Because I'm me!

[A dying Ruiz speaking to Cpt. Steele]
Lorenzo Ruiz: Don't go back out there without me. I can still do my job.

[Captain Steele caught Pilla imitating him.]
Steele: Quick word, Specialist.
Steele: Sir.
[Gives "bird" finger to soldiers while walking with Steele.]
Steele: Tell me, Pilla. You understand why we have a chain of command, don't you?
Steele: Roger that, sir.
Steele: 'cause if I ever see you undermining it again, You'll be cleaning latrines with your tongue until you can't taste the difference between shit and French fries. Are we clear?
Steele: Hoo-ah, sir.

[After a RPG hit a building]
Grimes: Fuuuuck this!

[After McKnight orders Maddox to turn around and go back to Haldawig.]
Maddox: Sir, they're going to get us fucking killed out there!
McKnight: Just get it over with!

[on Tim "Griz" Martin's drawing]
Dan Busch: Looks good.
Tim "Griz" Martin: It's improving.
Dan Busch: But if I may make a suggestion... more of an observation.
Tim "Griz" Martin: Go ahead.
Dan Busch: It's a children's book. They aren't supposed to scare the living shit out of the children.

[After Eversmann debriefs his chalk on Wolcott's crashed helicopter.]
Nelson: How come I gotta stay back here?
Eversmann: Because you're dependable.
Nelson: [to Twombly after Eversmann, Wadell, Schmid, and Galentine head for the crash site.] I hate being dependable, man.

Eversmann: You brought your gun?
Todd Blackburn: Yessir! Want me to shoot? I'm rested.
Eversmann: When'd you get in?
Todd Blackburn: Just now, sir.

Atto: You put up reward signs. Twenty-five thousand dollars! What is this? Gunfight at the K.O. Corral?
Garrison: [Laughs] It's the *O.K.* Corral.

[The spy shows the right building.]
Garrison: Is he sure this time?
Harell: He sounds scared shitless.
Garrison: Good. That's always a good sign.

Matthews: [After the briefing.] What's the matter Danny? Something you don't like?
McKnight: No Specter Gunships, Daylight instead of night. Late afternoon they're all fucked up on Khat? What's not to like?
Harell: Life is imperfect!
McKnight: For you, circling 500 feet in the air is imperfect. Down in the street, it's unforgiving.

[About a U.N. tank]
Grimes: These things are fuckin' bullet magnets!

[To cell phone]
Atto: I'm going to be late.

Nelson: The Humvees ain't coming back for us, dude.

Michael Durant: I'm not a ranger, I'm a pilot.

Billy Madison

2009-02-23T00:41:00.003-08:00

Mr. Madison: Remember that spelling bee in the 2nd grade?
Billy: Oh no Dad, you didn't.
Mr. Madison: Rock? R-O-K?
Billy: Yeah, so what's your point?
Mr. Madison: R-O-C-K!

Billy: No I will not make out with you! You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, people, not to make out with you! Go on with the chlorophyll!

Juanita: That boy is a fine piece of work. He's a fine piece of ass though, too!

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes! I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy!
Billy: Lady, you're scaring us!

Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo.
Jack: Maybe they're playing Marco Polo. Marco!
Frank: Polo! Man, that's a good game.

Frank: Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy: Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
Frank: 1974.
Billy: Meg Ryan.

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy: I swear to God I'm sick! I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits!
Billy: Oh my God! I'll go to school!

Billy: I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Billy Madison: Back to school! Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool! I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhh, back to school! Back to school! Back to school! Well, here goes nothing!

Frank: When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.

Billy: He's gonna shit when he realizes it's shit.
Billy: He called the shit poop!

Veronica Vaughn: No milk will ever be our milk.

Knibb High Principal: Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I will probably just snap.

Karl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Karl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

Brian Madison: Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find what ever it is you're looking for?
Billy: Here's a nice piece of shit.

3rd Grader: Hey look everybody, Billy peed his pants.
Billy: Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy: Yeah! You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants!

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go!

Billy Madison: Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [Notices gold swan on edge of tub.] Stop looking at me, swan!

Busdriver: That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ass. I know from experience, dude.
Billy Madison: No you don't.
Busdriver: I don't. But a friend of mine...he and her, got it on! Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, no they didn't.
Busdriver: You're right...but you can imagine what it'd be like.

Clown: Hey, kids, it's me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemmorage in my head! HA HA HA!!!

Billy Madison: WHERE'S MY SNACK PACK?!?!
Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.

Billy Madison: Miss Lippy, the part of the story I don't like, is that the boy stops looking for his dog after an hour. He just sits on his porch like a goon, he didn't put up posters or anything. That boy's gotta think "You got a pet, you got a responsibility! You can't just look for an hour and call it quits. So you get your ass out there and you find that fuckin' dog!"

Billy Madison: [Drunk, he sees a fake a penguin] It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole!

The Big Lebowski

2009-02-23T00:41:00.001-08:00

Donny: Your phone's ringing, Dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye.

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. Bowl, drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.

[After showing him a clip from the porn movie starring Bunny.]
Maude Lebowski: You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?

The Dude: Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man!

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter--
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon--with nail polish.

Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is shabbas, the Jewish day of rest. That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death--
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic--
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah--
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax-- YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FUCKING PAST!

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.

[Being forced into a limousine.]
The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man -- ha ha! I was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

Walter Sobchak: Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederass. [sic]
Donny: What's a... pederass, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter: You're entering a world of pain.

The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

Nihilist: I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck --

The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Treehorn's Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My...my wi, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!

Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration!

Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!

Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?

The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

The Stranger: I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself.

The Dude: Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"?
Maude Lebowski: Mmm.
The Dude: That was me... and six other guys.

Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger--
The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger--
Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet--
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fuckin' thousand times I don't roll on shabbos!

The Dude: Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women.

The Dude: Well, I still jerk off manually.

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

Jeffrey Lebowski: Isn't that what makes a man?
The Dude: Mmm, sure. That and a pair of testicles.

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah ha ha ha ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah ha ha ha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm, uh just going to find a cash machine...

The Dude: Fuck it, man. Let's go bowling.

Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: Johnson?

Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: You mean coitus?

Walter Sobchak: Donny, were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: What?
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: No, I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no point of reference, Donny. You're like a child that wanders INTO THE MIDDLE OF A MOVIE!
Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: What's your point, Walter?!
Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?

Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: This could be a lot more uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean it just might, it might not be such a simple, uh, you know?

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.

Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured "Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about."
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?

The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude -- darker'n a black steer's tuchus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.

Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No.
Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter: Okay then.

Big Daddy

2009-02-23T00:40:00.001-08:00

Julien: But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.
Sonny Koufax: It's overtime right now and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so...
Julien: Kangaroo song, kangaroo song, KANGAROO SONG!
Sonny Koufax: ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT!

Sonny Koufax: Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

[Discussing Vanessa's new senior citizen boyfriend]
Vanessa: He has a five year plan.
Sonny Koufax: What is it? "Don't die"?

Layla Maloney: So two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?
Sonny Koufax: Yeah.
Layla Maloney: Is that strange for you?
Sonny Koufax: Uh, nothing changed really. They watch a different kind of porno now.

[Music playing in the background]
Layla Maloney: This is Styx.
Sonny Koufax: Yeah.
Layla Maloney: They've been my favorite band since I was, like, twelve.
Sonny Koufax: You're kidding me?
Layla Maloney: No, no, I can't help it, I just love them. My friends make fun of me all the time.
Sonny Koufax: My friends make fun of me all the time, too. I've seen them, like, twenty-five times. Tommy Shaw, when I was, like, sixteen years old, I was at the concert, he actually reached out and grabbed my hand, pulled me up on stage, and I got to do the robot voice for Mr. Roboto!

Sonny Koufax: The kid just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel.

Sonny Koufax: Don't worry about me making money. I'm in love with a girl who makes plenty of it. She could be my sugar mamma.
Homeless Guy: I gotta get me one of those.

Sonny Koufax: Hey, the money I won in the cab accident is kicking ass in the stockmarket right now.

[Ordering food]
Sonny Koufax: Julian, what do you want?
Julian: Thirty packets of ketchup.

Sonny Koufax: There's a rough patch in my life right now, alright? Syracuse is 0 and 3. I got those medical problems.
Vanessa: Medical problems? A cab runs over your foot 2 years ago, you spend one night in the hospital.
Sonny Koufax: First of all that cab was huge. And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth two hundred thousand dollars, so there ya go.

Sonny Koufax: Hey, you stay away from the frozen food section. Your boobs'll harden.

Corinne Maloney: What's this I hear about you doing laundry with my sister?
Sonny Koufax: Did she say we were doing laundry? Because where I come from, it's called "doing the hibbidy-dibbidy."

Sonny Koufax: Congratulations! You and "Big Boobs" McGee are gonna get along just fine.
Kevin Gerrity: Don't call her "Big Boobs" McGee.
Sonny Koufax: You're going to explain to your kids that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?
Kevin Gerrity: That was five years ago, Sonny! She's a foot doctor now. So from now on, Dr. "Big Boobs" McGee.

[Sonny is dressed up as Scuba Sam]
Sonny Koufax: Hi, Julian! I'm Scuba Sam, Scuba Steve's father. You know, my son needs to take a bath, but he's afraid to bathe alone. So, I was wondering if you'd accompany him in the tub. Great, and after your bath, you need to study hard because if you want to be in the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.
Julian: I can be in the Scuba Squad?
Sonny Koufax: Why sure! All you have to do is work hard and don't tell a soul about the Scuba Squad because then everyone will want to join.

Homeless Guy: Sonny was real nice to the kid. Wish my father was like him. My father was a military man. Guess I wasn't such a good soldier. Anyways, when I was 35, he tried to give me a crewcut while I was asleep. I woke up, broke his arm, haven't seen him since. I'd rather live in a dumpster then under his freaky-ass rules! Anyways, I think Sonny Koufax should be acquitted of all the charges. If O.J. can get away with murder, why can't Sonny have his kid? [points at a black man] This guy knows what I'm talking about! No more questions!

Ted Castelucci: Objection, Your Honor! The court is interested in the truth, not the opinion of the defendant's father.
Lenny Koufax: You want my opinion? My son is a moron.
Ted Castelucci: I withdraw my objection. Please proceed!

Beverly Hills Cop II

2009-02-23T00:39:00.000-08:00

Inspector Todd: Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch!

Harold Lutz: Who the hell are you?
Axel Foley: My... name... is... Johnny Wishbone. I am a psychic. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverley Hills Police Department was having trouble solving crimes. So I came to help you out, because I am a psychic extraordinaire. But they told me you don't need help, so I will go home. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. You, I don't know you. You are... MMMMmmmmmmmmmmMMM AAAhhhhhh LUTZ! Chief LUTZ! And you are...MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm...AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Biddle: Biddle?
Axel Foley: BIDDLE! Yes, Biddle I was about to say that, but you beat me to it. I don't need any help because I am Johnny Wishbone psychic extraordinaire. Just think Johnny Wishbone and I will come. Lutz and Biddle, like Kibble n' Bits, but different.

Vinnie: Axel, I would like you to meet Mona. She can suck a golf ball through twenty feet of garden hose.

Axel Foley: You just hit a squad car!
Billy Rosewood: It's Ok, I know the guy. He's a jerk!

Beverly Hills Cop

2009-02-23T00:38:00.004-08:00

Taggert: We're more likely to believe him than some foul-mouthed jerk from out of town.
Axel Foley: "Foul-mouthed"? Fuck you!

Axel Foley: Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!"

Axel Foley: Tell Victor that Ramon---the fella he met about a week ago?---tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man.

Axel Foley: "I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tail pipe!"

Axel Foley: Disturbing the peace?! I got thrown out of a window! What's the fuckin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?!

Being John Malkovich

2009-02-23T00:38:00.003-08:00

Lotte Schwartz: Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.

Craig Schwartz: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

Craig Schwartz: Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Craig Schwartz: My name is Craig Schwartz and I have an interview with Dr. Lester.
Floris: Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez.
Craig Schwartz: My name is Schwartz.
Floris: "My name is Wartz"?

>Craig Schwartz: You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!

Charlie: Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.

Charlie: Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.

Dr. Lester: She has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western.

John Horatio Malkovich: You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
Maxine: You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people!

Maxine: Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.

Craig Schwartz: With all due respect, John, It's MY portal.
John Horatio Malkovich: It's MY HEAD, Schwartz. It's MY head!

Craig Schwartz: Can I buy you a drink, Maxine?
Maxine: Are you married?
Craig Schwartz: Yes, but enough about me.

[During sex]
John Malkovich: Did you call me Lotte?
Maxine: Yeah, do you mind?
John Malkovich: No, not really.

Dr. Lester: I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Craig Schwartz: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Craig Schwartz: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig Schwartz: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away.

Maxine: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?

Charlie: Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius!

[During a job interview]
Dr. Lester: Which of these two letters comes first, this one or this one?
Craig Schwartz: One of those is not a letter, sir?
Dr. Lester: Damn, you're good.

Dr. Lester: Any questions?
Craig Schwartz: Just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester: Low overhead, boy! But seriously, that'll all be covered in the orientation.

Maxine: Tell me a little about yourself.
Craig Schwartz: Well, I'm a puppeteer --
Maxine: Check!

Craig Schwartz: You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.

John Horatio Malkovich: Ma-Sheen!
Charlie: Malcatraz!

Craig Schwartz: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight.
Maxine: Why not?
Craig Schwartz: Okay. You look like a ... BarrrRuuu-- BellllLuuuu-- Lllll-- Carolllll-- Taaaa-Sharrr--- SusaaannnEmmmmilllly--- Marr-- laaarr-- Maax...ine--M-M-M--Maxine?
Maxine: Yeah! Who told you?
Craig Schwartz: Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn't that odd?

Lotte Schwartz: I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis AND a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.

First J.M. Inc. Customer: Now when you say that I can be somebody else, whaddya mean exactly?
Craig Schwartz: Well, we mean exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body, for fifteen minutes.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
Craig Schwartz: Well, you... actually...
Maxine: You can be John Malkovich.
First J.M. Inc. Customer: Perfect! It's... my... second choice, but it's wonderful. I'm a fat man. I'm sad and I...
Maxine: Two hundred dollars.

[Lotte comes home late at night]
Craig Schwartz: You were him, weren't you?
Lotte Schwartz: Yeah.
Craig Schwartz: And he was with her!
Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig.
Craig Schwartz: We?
Lotte Schwartz: John and me.

Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.
Maxine: Yes?
Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.
Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.

Maxine: Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.

Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
Craig Schwartz: Oh, no.
Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't -- pardon me, how old are you, sir?
Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes.

Craig Schwartz: I like you, I don't know what it is about you.
Maxine: My tits?
Craig Schwartz: No! No, no, no.
Maxine: No?
Craig Schwartz: It's your energy, your attitude, you know, the way you carry yourself.
Maxine: You're not a fag, are you?
Craig Schwartz: No, I am really attracted to you.
Maxine: "No, I am really attracted to you", Christ, you are a fag. Okay, we can share recipes if you like, darling.
Craig Schwartz: No, no, I love your tits, love 'em, I wanna fondle 'em.
Maxine: Great, now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance.

Maxine: You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.

Charlie: You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.

Craig Schwartz: What happens when a man goes through his own portal?

Beetlejuice

2009-02-23T00:38:00.001-08:00

Otho: "Don't mind her. She's just upset that someone dropped a house on her sister."

Lydia: "My whole life is a dark room."

Betelgeuse: "Go ahead... make my millenium."

Betelgeuse: "Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose."

Lydia: "I myself am... strange and unusual."

Betelgeuse: "I'm the ghost with the most, babe."

Batman & Robin

2009-02-23T00:37:00.002-08:00

Alfred: There is no defeat in death, Master Bruce. Victory comes in defending what we know is right while we still live.

Gossip Gerty: You must be new here. In Gotham city, Batman and Robin protect us ... even from plants and flowers!

Robin: I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms.

Mr. Freeze: You're not sending ME to the COOLER!

Cop: Please show some mercy!
Freeze: I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.

Batgirl: Chicks like you give women a bad name.

Batman: And you are...?
Batgirl: Batgirl.
Batman: That's not very PC. What about Batwoman, or Batperson?
Batgirl: I found the Batcave.
Robin: I guess we'll just have to kill her.

Robin: I need a sign that you've turned over a new leaf.
Ivy: How about "slippery when wet?"

Poison Ivy: So many people to kill... so little time.

Ivy: There's just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips.
Batman: Why is it that all the beautiful ones are homicidal maniacs? Is it me?

Mr. Freeze: Tonight, hell freezes over!

Victor Fries/Mr. Freeze: If I must suffer, humanity will suffer with me.

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy: Come with me. My garden needs tending.

Robin: I want a car, chicks dig the car.
Batman: This is why Superman works alone.

Batman Returns

2009-02-23T00:37:00.001-08:00

Selena Kyle: Wow, THE Batman -- or is it just "Batman"? It's your choice, of course!

Selina Kyle: I don't like normal men, they always let you down. The sick ones don't scare me, at least they're committed.

[Addressing a huge flock of penguins.]
Penguin: My dear penguins, we stand upon a great threshold! It's alright to be scared; most of you won't be coming back. But, thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish ALL of God's children! 1st, 2nd, 3rd AND 4th-born! Why be biased? Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY HIGH! FORWARD MARCH! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!

Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.

Penguin: It's true I was their number one son... but they treated me like number two!

Catwoman: Meow.

Henchman: But killing children. Isn't it a little...
Penguin: No! It's a lot!

Penguin: But when it comes down to it, who is holding the umbrella?

Catwoman: I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.

Penguin: I believe the word you are looking for is "Aaahh"!

Catwoman: Hello honey, I'm home. Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.

Penguin: You're just jealous because I'm a real freak and you have to wear a mask.

Penguin: I am an animal. I am NOT a human being.

Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Catwoman: A kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.

Catwoman: I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much... yummier.

Batman: Eat floor. [Throws Catwoman down.] High fiber.

Penguin: You got to admit I played this stinking city like a harp from hell.

Penguin: [to Catwoman] Just the pussy I was looking for!

Penguin: [to Catwoman] You're beauty and beast.

The Penguin: Ahh, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask.

Catwoman: Life's a bitch; now so am I.

Charles 'Chip' Shreck: Dad, you buy that bleary business?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Women. Nothing surprises me Chip, except your late mother. Who'da thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry.

Selina Kyle: How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?

Selina Kyle: It's the so-called "normal" guys that always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.

The Penguin: They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' them out on a slab!

Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will towards men... and women.

Batman Forever

2009-02-23T00:36:00.000-08:00

The Riddler: Joygasm!

Dr. Chase Meridian: Hot entrance!

[Two-Face decides a victim's fate with a coin toss]
Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!

Two-Face: One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, anchovies grow legion. Why? Why why why why why? Luck! Blind stupid simple doo-dah clueless luck!

The Riddler: Now who in the right mind has bats on the brain?

The Riddler: Riddle me this, and riddle me that: who is afraid of the big, black bat?

Batman: Commissioner Gordon?
Dr. Chase Meridian: He's at home. I sent the signal.
Batman: What's wrong?
Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night, at the bank, I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.
Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.
Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
Dr. Chase Meridian: What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, *oh*, black rubber.
Batman: Try firemen, less to take off.
Dr. Chase Meridian: I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
Batman: We all wear masks.
Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read?
Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.
Batman: Direct aren't you?
Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.

Dick Grayson: I need a name! Batboy, Nightwing, I dunno. What's a good sidekick name?
Bruce Wayne: How about Dick Grayson, college student?
Dick Grayson: Screw you!

Alfred Pennyworth: I'm sorry to bother you, sir. But I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.
Bruce Wayne: What? Is he alright?
Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid Master Dick has, uhm, gone traveling.
Bruce Wayne: He ran away?
Alfred Pennyworth: Actually, he took the car.
Bruce Wayne: He boosted the Jag?
Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir. Not the Jaguar. The other car.
Bruce Wayne: The Bentley?
Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir! The *other car*.

Alfred Pennyworth: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
Batman: I'll get drive-thru.

The Riddler: For if knowledge is power, then a GOD AM *I*! [pauses] Was that over the top? I can never tell.

The Riddler: You should have let me in on this. We could have planned it, prepared it, pre-sold the movie rights!

[upon reaching Claw Island]
Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman!
Batman: Huh?
Robin: The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.
Batman: Oh.

Dick Grayson: All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face. He took my whole life. And when I was out there tonight, I imagined it was him that I was fighting, even when I was fighting you. And all the pain went away. Do you understand?
Bruce Wayne: Yes, I do.
Dick Grayson: Good, cause you gotta help me find him. And when we do, I'm the one who kills him.
Bruce Wayne: So, you're willing to take a life.
Dick Grayson: Long as it's Two-Face.
Bruce Wayne: Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.
Dick Grayson: You can't understand. Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.
Bruce Wayne: Yes, they were. We're the same.

Batman: I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.

Dr. Chase Meridian: He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim --
Dr. Chase Meridian: -- in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.
Batman: Exactly.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. -- Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.
Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

Dr. Chase Meridian: By the way, do you have a first name, or do I just call you Bat?

Bruce Wayne: Perhaps letters of the alphabet.
Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, 13 is M.
Bruce Wayne: 1 would be A, 8 would be H, and 5 would be E.
Alfred Pennyworth: M-A-H-E?
Bruce Wayne: Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18.
Alfred Pennyworth: 18... is... R. M-R-E.
Bruce Wayne: How about "Mr. E"?
Alfred Pennyworth: Mystery.
Bruce Wayne: And another name for mystery?
Alfred Pennyworth: Enigma!
Bruce Wayne: Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma. Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery.
Alfred Pennyworth: You really are quite bright, despite what people say.

The Riddler: Tell the fat lady she's on in five.

Two-Face: You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into POWDER. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition: therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damned head off!

Batman

2009-02-23T00:35:00.004-08:00

The JOker: "Wait til they getta loada me"

The Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

The Joker: I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy.

The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.

Joker: Hello, Benny. It's your uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!

Vicki Vale: What do you want?
The Joker: Oh, little song, little dance, Batman's head on a lance...

Bruce Wayne: "Vicky, you're a great girl and I like ya alot...but for right now, shut up."

Alfred Pennyworth: I have little desire to spend my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.

Knox: You know what they say? They say he drinks blood. They say he can't be killed.
Eckhardt: And I say you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, and you can quote me on that one.

Jack Napier: Decent people shouldn't live here; they'd be happier someplace else.

Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!

The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful toys?

The Joker: [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.

The Joker: Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas?
Bruce Wayne: Most of the time.

[Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building.]
Mugger: Don't kill me, man - don't kill me!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Mugger: Who are you?!
Batman: I'm Batman.

[Repeated line]
Jack Napier: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.

The Joker: Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.

[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier: Nice outfit!

[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!

Vicki Vale: I just gotta know, are we going to try to love each other?
Bruce Wayne: I'd like to. But he's out there right now, and I've gotta go to work.

[The Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale.]
Jack Napier: Stop the press, who is that?

Vicki Vale: Some people think you're as dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He's psychotic.
Vicki Vale: Some people say the same about you.
Batman: What people?
Vicki Vale: Well, face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
Batman: This isn't exactly a normal world, is it?

The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile

Back to the Future, Part 3

2009-02-23T00:35:00.003-08:00

Marty McFly: Is there a back way out of here?
Bartender: Sure.
Marty McFly: Where is it?
Bartender: Out the back.

Doctor Emmett Brown: You're not thinking fourth dimensionally, Marty!

[Doc Brown and Marty are hijacking a train.]
Dr. Emmett 'Doc' L. Brown: Reach!
Engineer: Is this a holdup?
Dr. Emmett 'Doc' L. Brown: It's a science experiment!

Dr. Emmett 'Doc' L. Brown: The future is whatever you make it, so make it a good one.

Dr. Emmett 'Doc' L. Brown: Clara was one in a million. One in a billion. One in a googolplex!

Back to the Future, Part 2

2009-02-23T00:35:00.001-08:00

Television announcer: Broadcasting beautiful views 24 hours a day: you're tuned to the Scenery Channel.

[Jennifers from two different times confront one another.]
Young Jennifer: I'm old!!!
Old Jennifer: I'm young!!!

[Flying above Biff in 1955.]
Marty McFly: There he is, Doc! Let's land on him, we'll cripple his car.
Doctor Emmett L. Brown: Marty, he's in a '46 Ford, we're in a DeLorean. He'd rip through us like we were tin foil.

[In the year 2015]
Doc Emmet Brown: The justice system moves swiftly, now that they've abolished all the lawyers.

Doc Emmet L. Brown: The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!

Doc Emmet Brown: Marty! What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton happened here?

Doc Emmet Brown: No! It can't be! I just sent you back to the future!
Marty McFly: You did, oh, I know, you did send me back to the future, but I'm back -- I'm back FROM the future.
Doc Emmet Brown: Great Scott!
[faints]

Biff Tannen: That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Marty McFly: [under his breath] It's "screen door on a submarine," you dork.

Lorraine Baines: Biff Tannen, I wouldn't marry you if you had a million dollars.

Young Biff: Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Old Biff: It's LEAVE, you idiot! "Make like a tree, and leave." You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong.

Back to the Future

2009-02-23T00:33:00.004-08:00

George McFly: Lorraine, my density has bought me to you.
Lorraine Baines: What?
George McFly: Oh, what I meant to say was...
Lorraine Baines: Wait a minute, don't I know you from somewhere?
George McFly: Yes! Yes! I'm George, George McFly! I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.

George McFly: Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?
Doctor Emmet Brown: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?

[1955 Doc is watching a video of 1985 Doc]
Doctor Emmet Brown: What on Earth's this thing I'm wearing?
Marty McFly: Ah, this, this is a radiation suit.
Doctor Emmet Brown: Radiation suit? Of course, because of all the fallout from the atomic wars!

[In the past, Marty observes his dad's incompetence.]
Marty: Jesus, George, it's a wonder I was ever born!<>/blockquote>

Mr. Strickland: You don't have a chance, you're too much like your old man. No McFly ever amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!
Marty McFly: Yeah, well, history is gonna change.

[Repeated line]
Marty McFly: If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

Dave McFly: [kissing George McFly on the head] See ya pop. Oooow, time to change that oil!

Doctor Emmet Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit.

[In 1955, Tab and Pepsi Free aren't invented yet]
Lou: You gonna order something, kid?
Marty McFly: Ah, yeah... Give me a Tab.
Lou: Tab? I can't give you a tab unless you order something!
Marty McFly: Alright, give me a Pepsi Free.
Lou: You want a Pepsi, PAL, you're gonna pay for it!

Goldie Wilson: I'll be the most powerful man in Hill Valley, and I'm gonna clean up this town.
Lou: [handing him a broom] Good, you can start by sweeping the floor.

[Lorraine's parents are talking about Marty McFly, Lorraine's future son]
Stella Baines: He's a very strange young man.
Sam Baines: He's an idiot. Comes from upbringing. His parents are probably idiots too. Lorraine, if you ever have a kid that acts that way I'll disown you.

[Dr. Emmet Brown is doubting Marty McFly's story about that he is from the future]
Dr. Emmet Brown: Then tell me, "future boy", who is president in the United States in 1985?
Marty McFly: Ronald Reagan.
Dr. Emmet Brown: Ronald Reagan? The actor?! Who's Vice President? Jerry Lewis?
Marty McFly: What?
Dr. Emmet Brown: I suppose Jane Wyman is the first lady! And Jack Benny is secretary of the treasury! I've had enough practical jokes for one evening! Good day, future boy!

[Marty McFly comes to his school in 1955]
Marty McFly: Wow, they really cleaned this place up. It looks brand new!

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?
Dr. Emmet Brown: Precisely.
Marty McFly: Whoa, this is heavy.
Dr. Emmet Brown: There's that word again; "heavy". Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?

[The correct phrase is "So why don't you make like a tree and leave"]
Biff Tannen: So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.

George McFly: Lou! Give me a milk... [dramatic pause] Chocolate!

[Marty McFly arrives late for his take-off]
Dr. Emmet Brown: You got no concept of time!

Dr. Emmet Brown: Don't worry! As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely eighty-eight miles per hour the instant the lightning strikes the tower ... everything will be fine!

[Last line]
Dr. Emmet Brown: Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads.

Dr. Emmett "Doc" L. Brown: Next Saturday night, we're sending you back to the future!

Dr. Emmett L. "Doc" Brown: I'm sure in 1985, plutonium is available at every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by!

George McFly: I know what you're gonna say, son. And you're right, you're right. But Biff just happens to be my supervisor, and I'm afraid I'm just no good at... confrontations.
Marty McFly: The car, Dad! I mean he wrecked it! He totaled it! I needed that car tomorrow night, Dad. Do you have any idea how important this is to me? Do you have any clue?
George McFly: I know, son. And all I can say is... I'm sorry.

Biff Tannen: I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you've got for me is LIGHT beer?

Marvin Berry: [on the phone, as Marty plays "Johnny B. Goode"] Chuck! Chuck! It's Marvin -- your cousin, Marvin BERRY. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this!
[holds the receiver out]

Marty McFly: [watching a Honeymooners episode in 1955] Hey, I've seen this one. I've seen this one. This is a classic.
Milton Baines: What do you mean, you've seen this? It's brand new.
Marty McFly: I saw it on a... [realizing] rerun.
Milton Baines: What's a rerun?

[Stella Baines is Marty's future grandmother.]
Stella Baines: Why do you look so familiar to me? Do I know your mother?
Marty: Yeah, I think maybe you do.